Can a man be scared, and still be a man, when his back is up against the wall?
Normally, I am a cool, calm, and collected kinda cat. I look adversity straight in the face and laugh. Could that be the comedian in me? Perhaps, it’s the optimist? Either way, in spite of all of the fear I’m feeling since this past election, I find the strength within me to stand tall and smile.
Except when my cell phone rings and my doctor’s name flashes. I’m always nervous. I immediately think ‘What does he want? What’s wrong?’ Usually, I’m concerned for nothing. But, not today. Today, I had a good reason for shaking like a leaf. I wasn’t at first aware. But the nurse was calling to give me my blood test results. Since that’s how the conversation began, I thought nothing of it. How bad could they be? I already have high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I have no room to go higher with anything else.
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There is this little thing called a chronic sickness. I have MS, but that’s under control. It’s being treated. So what could my doctor want? I receive my monthly treatment, I eat a healthy diet. And I’m active. Well, not as active as I should be. But, I walk up and down the steps in my house. I’m moving.
Have you ever received that one phone call that just feels eerie from the very start? My cell phone rang and immediately, I looked at my wrist. I wear a FitBit that I have synced with my cell phone. So, when my cell phone rings, I can see who is calling just by looking at my wrist. And that’s just what I did. I looked at my wrist. And it was flashing my doctor’s name. I started not to answer it. But, it felt like I should. It didn’t feel like an ordinary phone call was about to happen. It just felt odd. So, I reached into my pocket and grabbed my cell phone. And. ‘Hello?’ It’s my doctor’s office.
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The voice on the other end was one I was not too familiar with. At first, I was thrown off. I was standing in the middle of a parking lot. Walking to my car along with my wife. This strange female caller is on my phone. She asks to speak to me. She then goes right into state her business for calling. She was instructed to give me mt blood test results. ‘Oh, that’s it?’ Go ahead.
The shaking that I was doing earlier had almost completely disappeared. I was a bit calmer yet and still, sort of stressed behind the call. It was the middle of the afternoon, on a Friday. Who delivers that kind of news that kind of way? Who delivers that kind of news? I’m sure you’re ready to hear what the news was. I’m sure you want to know, by now, what got me so scared. Well, here it is.
The woman called me and said it just like this. ‘I’ve been asked to call you with the results of your blood test. It came back with JC positive antibody.’
‘What?’ I screamed back at the woman. ‘Are you saying I’m JC positive, now?’
‘Yes.’ She answered. I quickly replied ‘Okay.’ Hung up the phone, and cried behind my Prada sunglasses.
My wife asked me what the call was about. She had to ask me more than once because I was speechless. I couldn’t talk. I stood there frozen. Frightened, after receiving such a phone call on a Friday afternoon. Not like it would have felt different had it been Tuesday. But, I guess I wanted to have the whole situation different.
Because I have MS, Multiple Sclerosis, part of my treatment is a drug called Tysabri. Before prescribing this drug to me, my doctor spoke of a certain risk. A brain disease called PML which is caused by the JC Virus. I was told that the pros outweigh the cons greatly. Just have to monitor my treatments. You see, it is recommended that a patient not take the drug for more than two years. I’ve been on it over three, now. Because my doctor always said that my tests came back negative. So, there’s no reason to ‘fix what ain’t broke’.
Now, I am waiting to find out our next plan of action. I am scared. Wish me luck.
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Photo Credit: Getty Images
You are scared, and you are normal. Any man that claims that he has not known fear when facing danger is a liar.
Been there done that, scared shitless every time, but we proceed in spite of such.
I’ve read enough of you to honestly wish you the best of luck with this, man.
Appreciate the kinds words, bruh.