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One Saturday morning after the tough step aerobics class at the Y, I walked up the stairs to the locker room. This cute little girl in her pink ballerina tutu rushed down the steps as best she could. She was maybe 5 years old at most. She said, “Mommy, wait!” Her Mom standing below me said, “I’m sorry.” I said, “No worries.”
The steps were tall for the little girl’s legs, so she stepped slowly down sideways holding onto the handrails. I stood beside her, prepared to grab her if she stumbled. She made it down to Mommy safely. She held her Mom’s hand.
That resonated as so familiar for me. Ever since I could remember, as a child when my dad yelled, “Hurry up!” that frightened the hell out of me. I experienced that tense knot in my chest and stomach. That experience lasted through the years as a frightful reminder from the past. When I needed to be somewhere or heard a loud voice I had that panic within.
My mom had wisely sensed that panic within me. She told me, “Jonny, slow down.” Later in my teens when she said that my angry response was, “I know that!” “You don’t have to tell me!”
Only as I got older did I get that she was really saying, “Calm your soul.” “You’re enough.” “Jonny, you’re good.” I had made “Hurry up!” mean “You’re no good.” “You’re weak.” That was really my dad’s voice in me. His voice had become mine.
I finally got that “Hurry up” really meant: “Hurry up”. That’s all. Mom was always reminding me to “Let go.” She was telling me: “It’s okay to be me.”
Understandably, there will be times when “Hurry up” mandates urgency, as a matter of life and death or when someone’s well-being may be jeopardized. I think that we’ve all experienced that, as well. When none of these exist, then pretty much: Fuck it. I’m okay to be me.
Discover your freedom: Find what frees you of yourself. Werner Erhard said, “Anything you can let be, lets you be.” I accept my humanity and failings.
I’m grateful to that little ballerina girl that Saturday morning. She reminded me to let me be. She reminded that I’m the one who frees me.
Be okay with who you are, and who you become. Really, you’re the only one who can do that. Free yourself, and open yourself to the greater version of you. That’s your unique gift to the world. The World will thank you for it. Just saying.
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Photo credit: Shutterstock