There are days when loving ourselves is difficult, and the emptiness inside takes over. Humans are hardwired to dwell on the negative and brush off moments of happiness.
This week, I collected wins: a client had a breakthrough, I got a new client published my 200th article and obtained a top writer tag. I was on an emotional high, I knew I deserved the fruits of the work I have put in for both my clients and myself.
Yet, the happiness was short-lived, because it dawned on me I did not have a special someone to share it with. And for a brief moment, all the wins felt null. And I felt unloveable.
As a coach who appreciates my self-worth, I also acknowledge that I am human and flawed. And so, I have found ways to come back to myself:
Double the dose of affirmations
Positive affirmations are great at overcoming negative self-talk. We often question ourselves repeatedly and self-doubt creeps in.
This is why affirmations work: to drill down deep into our subconscious, feelings of worthiness and belonging.
During painful moments or when the emptiness is simply unbearable, double or triple the number and frequency of mantras.
To alter the state of negativity that can quickly spiral, these one-liners are important to shift our state of consciousness.
Every day, repeat ‘I am’ affirmations until you believe them. Practice feeling lovable until you believe it.
It is not you, it is them
I am all for patting myself on the back and celebrating the small wins. But we are also humans, and designed for connection.
We want to support and be supported. We want to belong and be acknowledged, to know that our successes matter.
Joy is abundant and available to everyone, and so is love. Sadly those with a scarcity mindset cannot see the world in terms of the abundance of kindness, love and happiness.
If ever you feel unlovable because of somebody, please remind yourself that people who cannot love you cannot love themselves.
Some of us, intentionally or not, project our fears and lack of self-worth on others. This is contagious.
Firstly, forgive yourself for catching it. Secondly, forgive them for not healing. And thirdly, make it a daily habit to celebrate yourself and fill your own cup.
It is easier said than done but the sooner we learn not to take it personally the sooner we learn that love is an internal process.
Manifest the love
As much as I have worked on myself to not rely on external circumstances to feel fulfilled, sometimes it backfires. I have learnt to accept that we cannot always be in control and that is what makes us beautiful.
Learning to love ourselves is an ongoing process, just like our evolution through life.
To see ourselves as just enough, it is necessary to take a step back and fill our hearts with the love already present inside us. There is no doing involved. There is just being.
Time heals but deep-seated feelings of unworthiness will not go away if we keep escaping from the root that has not been cut off.
It takes time to peel off the layers but we can gradually soothe the cracks that unravel by manifesting the love for ourselves.
The universe is rigged in your favour if you choose so
Walk as if the universe is rigged in your favour, Rumi said.
We have been conditioned to believe that love comes from ‘the one’. That does not take into account, that love is energy. It is an exchange between ourselves and our environment. What we put out, we receive.
On hard days, if we could just muster some energy to feel grateful about just anything, we have taken one step in the right direction.
To be grateful that we get to enjoy another breath, that we get to see another day and the opportunities it brings.
When we believe the universe is working for us and not against us, we reframe our perception of what loving ourselves truly means.
We invite happiness, health and prosperity, one step at a time.
Self-acceptance is a learning curve, sometimes it falls flat. There will be times when it feels almost impossible to see the progress.
Imagine if a superstar like Johnny Depp who is adored by fans worldwide, can succumb to emotional pain meted by someone he loved, who are we mere mortals to escape the unfairness of the world?
But if we reject ourselves before the world does, we are already giving up. We do not need love, we are love. We just need constant reminders of just how truly deserving we are.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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