In a post I made in December I vowed to keep my heart open and not hide it away for fear of having it broken again. I knew that the healing process would take time but benefit me down the road.
I didn’t think, however, that it would happen as soon as it appears to be happening.
As many of you know, among other things I’m a jazz composer/arranger, and recently I’ve composed my most beautiful, haunting tune yet that I will arrange for my big band, likely as soon as spring. I’m also a dancer, my preference being West Coast Swing, and now looking to do a routine to a specific song. (I might even take a couple of trips to weekend dance conventions in nearby cities if I can afford it and find a church to attend on Sunday morning.)
And — I think I’ll find love again very soon, though again I won’t put a timetable on that.
In the meantime, however, I’ll keep ministering to the similarly broken because I believe doing so helps the process; already I’ve encountered five people who are going through similar (but not the exact) situations. It’s occurred to me that focusing merely upon what I may want can and likely will sabotage my growth, and if my growth is sabotaged I won’t be able to do for others.
I suspect that there’s a certain narcissism endemic in unhealthy grief; while introspection at such times can be a good thing — in my case, nights are the toughest, and I’ve occasionally lost sleep — I’m finding that spending too much time on what’s ailing me causes emotional and spiritual regression. So these days when the tears come, and they do come, I allow them to flow freely and then get right back up. I have a life to live, you know.
A version of this post was previously published on uncommonsensecommentary.blogspot.com and is republished here with permission from the author.
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