Even if you do not have any teenagers yet, you probably have deduced how difficult they can be to raise. And if you have any children, plan on having children, or are related to anyone with teenagers, you can certainly use some of this advice. Actually, this is not really advice. You can call this a guidebook for raising teens. Because there are rules and there are tips, but it is the rules that are important. There are certain things to do and not to do when parenting those teens. And it starts long before they are teenagers.
Make Sure the Rules Are Clear
No matter what the rules are, make sure you both know exactly what they mean and stick to them. In other words, do not tell your teen today that they cannot, under any circumstances, get their nose pierced and then give in a few weeks later. Your rules should be simple, clear, and understood by all. This means that your significant other and your teen’s other parent needs to follow those rules too. This may be difficult to accomplish if you and the other parent do not live together. Do the best you can but never give in just because the other parent does.
Respect and Listen
Even though you are the parent, your teen is a human being that needs respect. If you want your teen to respect you, it is essential that you show them respect as well. Not only that, but you must also learn to listen to your teen. They are old enough to know how to tell you what is going on with them. Listen to what they are saying and try to understand what they mean. Sometimes you need to see things from their point of view to resolve issues that come up.
Rewarding Maturity with Freedom
Has your child been showing newfound maturity such as doing their chores without being asked, offering to help you with things around the house, helping their sibling with something while you are busy, or just taking responsibility for things in general? When they do something without asking, that is the time to reward them with something like a bit more freedom. Maybe you could let your teen come home an hour later than usual, change bedtime to 10 instead of nine, or let them play video games for a couple of hours instead of an hour.
Taking Back the Freedom
However, if you give your child more freedom and they start abusing it, take it back right away. The first time they come home a few minutes late is not that big of a deal, but the second time, pull back the reins a bit. Take that hour back until they prove they can handle the responsibility. Then give it back gradually. An extra half an hour at first, just to let them know that a curfew is a curfew for a reason.
Having Consequences is Important
Speaking of curfews, you need to make sure your teen knows there are consequences to their actions. Whether it is following a rule, doing their homework, or getting in trouble at school for being late. They have to face the consequences whether it be after school detention, a bad grade, or being grounded for breaking the rules. Do not let things slide just because you are not in the mood to deal with it.
Keep Your Word
If you tell your teen that you will do something, make sure you do it. Keeping your promises to them is just as important as them keeping their promises to you. For example, if you tell your teen that you will give them $10 for taking out the trash and they do it, but you say you don’t have $10 to give them, that shows them that you do not mean what you say. Before you make a promise, be sure you can back it up.
Do Not Accept Those Challenges
Kids will challenge you starting at an early age. In fact, when they are infants, they challenge you to pick them up when they cry. You know that you need to nurture them, but you don’t want to spoil them either. The same thing goes when they get older. If they try pushing your buttons by saying sarcastic things or refusing to answer you when they talk to them, don’t react. As long as it is not something that will hurt them or anyone else, just ignore it and they will eventually quit challenging you. For a while anyway.
Know that their Peers are Important
You cannot take away that bond they have with their friends so don’t even try. Especially if they are really good friends. Sometimes when your teen knows that you do not like a particular friend of theirs, they will continue to hang out with them just to get on your nerves. That would be the challenge to ignore from the above rule. You cannot win some arguments. And if you try to go against their friends, it will just make them sneak around behind your back. You don’t want that. As long as the friend is not dangerous, go ahead and ignore that challenge.
Communicate Properly
Sometimes it can be difficult to communicate with anyone, especially a teenager. Their hormones and age can turn them into a whole different person sometimes. Often, it is not their fault. Hormones can do crazy things to a person. However, if you are struggling with your teen and just don’t know what else to do, talk to a family counselor. They are trained and experienced in dealing with these issues. You can talk to them online with ReGain.us anytime, 24/7/365. No appointment necessary. Try it today.
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