Fathers have incredible gifts of wisdom to confer upon their soon-to-be-launched sons. Here’s how I gave my son these gifts upon his graduation.
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This past week was an interesting confluence of some very special events. On June 14th my son Max graduated from U.C. Davis with two hard-earned degrees. June 18th he turned 23. June 19th was the 45th anniversary of my leaving home and traveling via motorcycle from Rochester NY to Santa Barbara, CA. And finally Father’s Day, on June 21st. And in a very rare and unique way they are all aligned like planets to facilitate the conferring of my life experience to my son.
“Be safe”
At 6:45am on Friday, June 19th, 1970 I slung my legs over my little (and woefully underpowered) Kawasaki 350cc 2-banger with a duffle bag on back containing most of my worldly goods. Just before I kicked over the engine that would transport me to the new and distant promised land of California, my Dad’s only words were “Be safe.”
I had always wished my Dad had more to say, more to share, more wisdom to provide me in my journey to manhood. But like so many of his generation, he was mostly moot on that, perhaps feeling that to be a man you have to figure it out for yourself. As a result of that philosophy I became extremely self-reliant. Yet if I had just a bit more mentoring from him, or any wise male for that matter, my life during the subsequent 45 years would have been not quite so, well… challenging.
I had always wished my Dad had more to say, more to share, more wisdom to provide me in my journey to manhood.
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Fast-forward to this past week. Just prior to Max’s graduation and first steps to self-sufficient adulthood, I thought about what gift I could give him. Not just to acknowledge his accomplishments, but perhaps more importantly, to help prepare him for what is to come on his path to manhood.
Paternal Mentoring
I never had a mentor to guide me during those times I needed it most. I was blessed and cursed with abundant energy looking for a place to express itself. This is all great until it becomes misdirected –which happened often.
I certainly didn’t want my son to have the same fate so I decided to provide a condensed version of my mentoring wisdom in the form of a 3,100 word letter. Let’s be clear about something, this letter was not meant as some kind of “catch up” for lack of involvement or mentoring in the past. I always was there for him, advice at hand whenever he needed or wanted it. However, I wanted to give him some special send-off advice in a form he can refer back to whenever he felt the need.
As fathers, we are wellsprings of wisdom acquired through significant life experience.
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As fathers, we are wellsprings of wisdom acquired through significant life experience. And what better gift to give our sons (or daughters) than to transfer this gold in a way that will be with them forever (assuming they choose to hang on to it). I can only imagine how different my life would have been if my Dad had done this for me.
The Gifts of Wisdom
In addition to the acknowledgement of how proud I am of him and his accomplishments, how he shows up in the world and so on, I included the following “gifts” of:
- Being Open Hearted
- Being Fully Present
- Speaking Your Truth
- Adventure
- Unlimited Possibilities
- Service
- Uncertainty
- Challenges
- Living Courageously
- Vulnerability
- Relationship
- Financial Freedom
Each of the above were followed by one or more paragraphs explaining why they are gifts and how to best use and/or attain them. I ended the letter saying he is free to do whatever he wants with these gifts, that I give them freely with no expectations or conditions. I also gave him a bit of a challenge by including the following:
Now the world is waiting for you to take this next step. We are all fortunate to have you as part of the next generation. No pressure, but shake things up good Son. It’s needed more than ever now if we are really to survive and thrive as a species.
You are my Son and I love you with all my heart.
Your Dad
As I write this, it is still Father’s Day 2015. At this stage of my life I see this not so much as a celebration, but a reminder of my responsibility for the most important job I could ever have. It’s a responsibility that I am deeply honored to take full on and incredibly grateful I have the opportunity to continue to experience.
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image: author