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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
Message from a Listener
Amanda writes: “I’m in a relationship with a man I love dearly, someone I met after participating in your online retreat. I reclaimed my confidence and finally learned to communicate my boundaries and standards. However, there’s been a recurring issue. We’ve been together for four years, and from the start, I’ve had multiple women contact me, claiming he was unfaithful. They’ve sent me screenshots of their messages. Initially, I dismissed these as potentially photoshopped, but my hope is fading. I recall a YouTube clip where you advised against checking a partner’s phone, suggesting it meant the relationship was already over. I’ve adhered to that advice, but now, considering this man might be the one I marry, I wonder if it’s too late to find out the truth. When does it make sense to look through someone’s phone versus continuing in the dark? Thank you for any insight. With love and gratitude, Amanda.”
Matthew’s Advice
Matthew responds: “Amanda, based on what you’ve described, the repeated messages from different women and the screenshots they’ve sent, it’s reasonable to suspect there might be truth to their claims. It’s highly unlikely that all these women are coordinating to lie and ruin your relationship.
My suggestion is to address this directly with your partner. On a calm, ordinary day, tell him how much this situation has been weighing on you. Ask him to show you his messages, and let him know that if there’s nothing to hide, you’ll never ask again. If he agrees and you find nothing, you should feel more secure, but if he’s unwilling, or if you still have doubts, it’s important to confront these issues head-on. It’s also worth considering reaching out to the women who contacted you to gather more information.
It’s painful to think about, but facing these issues now is better than dealing with long-term regret. If you find evidence of infidelity or deception, it will be less painful to address it now than to marry someone who continues to validate your concerns.”
Message from Susan
Susan says: “This person broke up with me in a ruthless way and reappeared after two months with a message. He also sent a photo of himself. What does this mean? Why would he send a photo of himself? It feels very bizarre.”
Matthew’s Thoughts
Matthew comments: “Susan, the message seems to reflect a sense of guilt or regret on his part. His apology for how things ended and his desire to have one more conversation suggest he might be struggling with his actions. The photo could be his attempt to reconnect or seek validation, but it comes across as somewhat insincere and awkward.
The message and the photo together seem to indicate he’s dealing with some form of retroactive guilt. It’s clear he wants to be seen in a better light, but his approach is misguided. It might be best to see this as a bit cringe-worthy and use it as a reason to move on rather than getting drawn back into his drama.”
Dating Profile Insights
Sasha asks: “Hi Matthew, Steven, Audrey, and team. I’m a 31-year-old woman who has been on dating apps for years without finding a suitable connection. I’ve noticed many men, particularly ages 29 to 38, mention they’re looking for someone who ‘doesn’t take themselves too seriously.’ What does this mean? I’m curious if this implies they are not looking for something serious or if it means something else. Should I be concerned, or is it best to take this at face value?”
Matthew’s Response
Matthew explains: “Sasha, the phrase ‘looking for someone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously’ often suggests that the person values a lighthearted approach to dating. It might indicate they want someone who brings a relaxed energy and isn’t overly intense or demanding.
However, there could be an underlying reason for this preference. Some men might use this phrase because they’ve had negative experiences with overly serious or high-maintenance partners. While it’s not necessarily a red flag, it could imply a preference for a more carefree attitude.
It’s also worth noting that this phrasing can come off as slightly dismissive or negative, which might make you question your own approach to dating. It’s important to gauge whether this preference aligns with your own values and if it reflects something meaningful about the person making the request.”
Listener Feedback
A listener named Dany suggests: “Dear Matthew and Audrey, thank you for your podcast. It has been incredibly helpful. However, I feel it doesn’t reflect many experiences of minority dating. The podcast seems to assume a heteronormative perspective and doesn’t address the experiences of queer, transgender individuals, or those with physical disabilities. I’d love to see discussions that include these perspectives and challenges. It would be wonderful to hear from guests with these experiences or experts in these fields.”
Matthew and Audrey’s Reaction
Matthew responds: “Thank you for your feedback, Dany. We appreciate your suggestion to broaden our topics. It’s important to represent a diverse range of experiences and perspectives. We’ll consider including discussions on minority dating experiences and might invite guests who can offer valuable insights. Your feedback is invaluable, and we’re committed to making our podcast more inclusive.”
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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