I got wind of my ex-husband’s girlfriend spending time with my kids already.
Yep, that same woman who was messaging him at 2 am while he was trying to have sex with his wife two years ago. Ah, c’est la vie.
I’ll admit, I naively assumed the ink on our divorce papers would be dry before we nonchalantly introduced significant others to our already traumatized kids. But, sadly, none of those papers are even close to being complete, and we all know what happens when I assume things. That’s right; I make an ass-out-of-you-and-me.
So, after much contemplation, I realized five painful truths I will divulge momentarily. Oh, and that there’s only room for one ass in my story.
My conscience still can’t comprehend how deeply I believed our bond to be for almost twenty years of my life and the brutal discard that took place the last few years of our marriage. However, I am happy to report that I’ve managed to process some extremely uncomfortable emotions throughout writing this piece. And after those feelings bubbled over, I reached my goal (e.g., five epiphanies) after only one paragraph!
- I am allowed to grieve the loss of my relationships for as long as I need to.
- It hurts. I still feel love for him. I’m still mourning what we had and accepting that we don’t have it anymore — and that’s okay.
- I can’t let anyone’s behavior dictate how I genuinely feel.
- Everyone processes things differently —and that’s okay too.
- Radical acceptance is the key to unlocking my pain and setting myself free.
Sitting with the knowledge of my ex-husband’s casual introduction of his unsuspecting girlfriend motivated me to choose how I wanted to sift through the both of us moving on. I figured out that I am moving forward (by leaps and bounds), but I am not ready to move on to someone else as heartlessly as he did.
It’s difficult for me to disconnect from someone I loved for twenty years. I accept that. Pacing myself is the healthier choice than jumping into another relationship when I know damn well, I haven’t completely healed the core wounds that got me tangled up with him for almost two decades in the first place.
I am giving myself the gift of grieving my past (e.g., radical acceptance) and everyone in it so I can freely, joyfully, happy-heartedly move on when my time comes. As part of that gift to myself, first, I am learning to accept my reality. Then let go of my fifteen-year marriage — one agonizing word at a time.
. . .
Thank you for your love and support. You Are Loved. ❤
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This post was previously published on Heart Affairs.
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