Ready to Be in a Relationship? Here Are 5 Green Flags

When I officially ended things in my first situationship, I remembered texting my friend: will I ever find love?

Even though I had not said “I love you,” the person that I was romantically involved with, but was not officially in a committed relationship with over the past 8 months was someone that meant a lot to me. And when things eventually came to an end, I felt feelings of grief and loss.

During my year abroad, while I had the time of my life traveling and making lifelong friends, I was still processing the pain, recovering from the breakup, and healing old wounds. At one point, I did question if I would be able to ever find and experience love.

I think life has a funny way of testing you to see if you are ready. Right before I met my current boyfriend, I ended up getting into another situationship. While I was not surprised when things eventually ended, I did grieve. This time, I was grieving less for losing our relationship, and more for the parts of me that said yes even though I wanted to say no.

After so many trials and errors in two situationships and many first unsuccessful first dates, I finally met my current boyfriend.

I was not expecting to meet my current boyfriend so quickly, but looking back, it all makes sense now.

Many discuss green and red flags in relationships, but how about green and red flags in yourself before entering a relationship?

Moreover, how do you know that you are ready to be in a relationship again? Especially when you’re just out of a relationship? How do you know that this one may be different from the last? And that you’re ready to commit to another person?

Here are five green flags in yourself that you’re ready 2 be loved (as Lizzo would say):

1. You are emotionally available and ready to receive love:

One of the biggest red flags was not realizing how emotionally closed off and unavailable I was. In theory, I thought I was giving love, but realistically I was holding myself back because I was afraid.

While I’m not saying that this is 100% my fault because it takes two to make a relationship work, I shied away from the truth. For example, I held back from the important conversations that needed to be had earlier on. I settled for less when I could have more. I also couldn’t openly communicate with my previous partners in an authentic way, which led to a lot of pent-up emotions, overthinking, and angriness.

By holding back and not facing the truth, I was not setting myself up for success. This only attracted other partners who were not giving the 100% effort that I desired, wanted, and deserved.

2. You know what your non-negotiables are and stick to them:

After 3 years of dating, I took time to reflect on what I needed and wanted from my potential partner. Non-negotiables are red flags or dealbreakers in your partner or relationship.

Below are some non-negotiables for consideration:

Do you share similar values and outlooks in life?
What are your interests and hobbies?
What type of personality does your partner have? Do you get along with your partner?
Does your partner practice commitment, reliability, communication, and honesty in the relationship?
What are your shared love languages?

Some non-negotiables may include bare minimums in a relationship (open communication, commitment, and honesty) while other non-negotiables may include things that are more tailored to your personal preferences and needs.

After you have identified your non-negotiables, it is important to stick to and honor them no matter what. It’s better to realize that it won’t work out in the first two dates rather than build resentment and disappointment later down the road.

3. Your words match your actions and vice versa:

You say that you will do something and commit to it. You make plans and carry them forward. Of course, life happens and sometimes you may have to reschedule, but the point is, you are considerate of your time and other people’s time and you demonstrate that by showing up and committing.

“Don’t talk, act. Don’t say, show. Don’t promise, prove.”

4. You have accepted your past

You are no longer grieving over the song that used to make you cry because the song reminded you of him. You are no longer avoiding places that you used to go to because the places instantly bring back memories of you and him together.

In short, you have accepted that things did not work out because you or your partner were not ready, or this relationship no longer works for the both of you. But that is okay because there is no more blaming or agony over the past.

Instead, you realize that what you once had was a beautiful memory and experience of the past.

You have evolved from the past versions of yourself to continue creating your present self.

5. You make time for your partner and the relationship:

“A relationship is a want, not a need.”

In the Atlantic, the author discusses what it means to be ready for a relationship. In one study, a social psychologist found that a person’s sense of his or her readiness could potentially affect one’s romantic success. The more “ready you are,” the higher your chance of success there will be in a romantic relationship.

You need to make time to get to know another person. After getting to know another person, a relationship also requires time to continue nourishing on both sides. Depending on your preference, this may look like weekly date nights or once-a-week phone call check-ins.

While you don’t have to completely tell your partner everything, and certainly don’t have to do everything together, a relationship still takes time regardless to nourish and grow over time.

On the other hand, timing is certainly an aspect of consideration, especially for young adults who are early in their careers and trying to balance life. But sometimes, the timing of the relationship also unravels in unexpected ways.

“I love learned not to worry about love, but to honor its coming with all my heart.” -Alice Walker

In short, by the time I met my current (and first official boyfriend), I was healed from red flags that would have held me back. I’m grateful for my boyfriend, lucky for this timing, and cannot wait to continue growing our love and experiencing life together.

Have you experienced any of these green flags before getting into a relationship? Please share below!

For those who are still looking for a relationship or currently not dating, I hope you take some time to reflect on what you want. I promise that the right person will come at the right moment when you are ready❤

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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