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The message society does it’s best to convey to our boys is….
Real men don’t cry.
Real men struggle to show love openly.
Real men just aren’t as eloquent and romantic as women.
Real men don’t wear their heart on their sleeve.
And if you do, you’re a lay down.
You’re a whimp.
You’re whipped.
You clearly don’t stand up for yourself.
Please stop telling my son this.
Because you see, it’s not at all what he knows to be true.
He knows better.
He knows more.
He knows love.
From the day I met my husband, he has oozed love.
I mistook it for weakness just a few times, and was reminded that kindness never means weakness.
This 6’3 man who looks as if he should be on a football field….loves harder than any human I know.
He never forgets to remind his family how much they are loved.
We always joke that our roles are reversed according to society.
You see, HE is the romantic one.
HE is the one who never forgets and HE is the one my kids count on for homemade instead of store bought.
When we met, I was a girl focused on action, not words.
I struggled with an apology, because “sorry” was just a word.
I once told my husband if he says “I love you” too much, it loses it’s power.
These were the thoughts from a broken girl.
A girl who had been taught that men lie.
A girl who had decided words didn’t mean much.
My hard loving husband is the man that changed every bit of that old story for me.
He ignored my wall…..and he pressed on anyway.
He began writing me love letters the first month of our journey together.
He always backed those words with action.
But, he never stopped saying the words….despite my efforts to the contrary.
He has written “I’m sorry” letters, “I love you” letters and “I’m grateful” letters to me throughout our 20 years together.
He taught me that words matter.
He taught me it feels good to hear them.
He taught me I deserve to hear them.
He taught me, I can trust his words.
He systematically rewired my brain to not be so hard.
He began writing our children love letters the minute they could read.
This man has never purchased a card written by someone else.
He writes all of us a letter each and every holiday or when we are in need.
He reminds us why we are so special, with his words.
We don’t need chocolate, we don’t need flowers, and we certainly don’t need jewelry.
We need him….and his beautiful words.
My daughter needs him to show her how a man truly loves.
My son needs him to remind him that love is strength not weakness.
I need him to remind me I am worth loving and need not be so tough.
This non-affectionate girl now melts into his arms.
My kids see this every single day.
We say I love you throughout the day multiple times, reminding each other and reminding our kids that this is their safe place.
My husband led the charge on our loving home.
He won’t settle for less than what we all deserve….wrapping each other in loving words.
Today, as I watch the news and the fear our world is wrapped in…..it occurs to me that the world needs our men to stand up and love.
We don’t need to see more tough men tell us we are too soft.
No, we need the real men to stand up.
We need to see more men cry, more men hug and more men lead.
You see, the REAL men lead with their love.
Never mistake that.
You will feel it when it enters the room.
You will not have to question.
You will not have to wonder.
It wraps you in it’s arms and it won’t let go.
It doesn’t sound harsh, and it doesn’t sound uncaring.
The real men know.
The real men love hard.
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More by author Kerry Foreman:
Let’s Cut the Crap: Dads are Equally as Capable as Moms
Can the commercial producers just get a clue so they don’t give our kids the wrong ideas, please!
No, My Son Doesn’t Play Sports … Really, It’s OK!
When a 13-year-old boy who could change the world has to constantly answer why he isn’t interested in sports, our society must re-think how we treat boys.
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This post is republished on Medium.
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You lost me at “real” men. As apposed to fake or imaginary men.
What’s wrong with being a REAL man?!
I’m sick of this “real men” crap too.
Please show me one site on the whole internet that pushes this meme on women.
Hint: You won’t find it because women REFUSE to be boxed in by anybody else telling them what “real women” think, feel or do.
What’s wrong with the editors here? How can they be so blind?
Arnie, I understand what you’re saying. What’s worse is that for every opinion one women has, there are 10 others that have differing opinions as to what men should be. If men listened to these women, he wouldn’t know if he should be blowing his ass or wiping his nose. What men should do is simply being his own man, be comfortable in his own skin and not be affected by his (female) critics.
I’m sitting here wondering when we gave permission to women to tell us what we should be.
Not that I’m critiquing this writer, just that what I see out there could use some work of their own because most don’t really have much to offer.
This site can be addicting, like a car accident, but how many times have I run down and hugged my wife after reading some of the things I see written here.
Last of a dying breed she is.
I’m sitting here wondering when we gave permission to women to tell us what we should be.
It happened right around the time that women decided that gender equality simply means making sure women are never spoken over or never get the short end of the stick. Anything after that is free game.
I’m sick of this “real men” crap.
Honest to God, it’s deplorable.
Does anyone, anywhere, publish the same kind of tripe about “real women”?
Ok course not. They’d be twitter mobbed to death.
I was just thinking the same thing.
Exactly. Women aren’t expected to put with it but for some reason men are expected to put up with it as a part of “equality”.
I’m sick of this “real men” crap