Save Your Relationship with These Two Simple Tricks

Have you ever talked to a divorce lawyer?

A few months ago I had a conversation with a divorce lawyer and I got some pretty cool insights on marriages.

Besides being cool, they were also very terrifying. People tend to idealize marriages and think of them as the end result of a relationship, but it’s not.

Marriage isn’t a sign of love, and being in love isn’t a sign that you have to marry someone.

Marriage is a legal contract.

Recently I watched an amazing video that talked about marriages and divorce from the perspective of a New York divorce attorney and it really piqued my interest.

It piqued my interest because it clearly showed that people have no clue how to maintain and flourish their relationships into something beautiful and it all stems from two things that were mentioned in this video.

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A happy relationship doesn’t need social media

James Sexton said something in the video that was truly remarkable that I think everyone needs to know.

“We are prehistoric biological creatures, living in medieval institutions — like education, work — with god-like technology.”

How do you think that ends?

Currently, there are 4.8 billion social media users worldwide, representing 59.9% of the global population and 92.7% of all internet users. The scary part is that every year this number keeps increasing. From April 2022 to April 2023 there was a 150 million increase in social media users.

Study after study has shown that social media usage affects mental health and increases the risk for parasocial relationships. Studies also show that the more time adolescents spend on social media, the higher the chance of developing symptoms of depression.

These are clear signs that social media nowadays is affecting people and the youth negatively when it comes to relationships.

In addition, social media has an immediate effect on infidelity.

At the beginning of the 21st century, people didn’t have access to an unlimited amount of partners like we do now. People needed to go out to meet each other and even then, if you were living in a village there was a finite amount of people you could interact with to have a relationship.

Nowadays, you go on Facebook, Instagram, Tik Tok, and you can see and interact with unlimited potential partners.

Do you know what blows my mind? It’s the fact that you can strike up conversations with all of them effortlessly.

In the era of the constant documentation of our lives, it doesn’t take much for people to find something to begin a conversation with us or our partners out of thin air.

It’s evident that the more we associate our lives with social media, the higher the risk for us to give in to temptations and ruin our relationships.

Do you want to save your relationship? Do yourself a favor and delete toxic social media apps where you can have access to other people’s lives within milliseconds.

People might showcase on Instagram and Facebook that their life is amazing and they have the perfect partner that they want to marry, but nobody knows what happens behind closed doors.

The more you identify this fake reality as reality, the easier it’ll be for you to ruin your relationship.

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Make those uncomfortable conversations

We’re living in an era where everyone is extremely in touch with their emotional sides and open, but only a few of us know how to truly communicate.

There’s a formula to great communication and it’s this one here:

Boundaries + Uncomfortable conversations = Happy relationship

Great communication stems directly from the boundaries you set with your partner. You might disagree but let me give you an example.

All couples fight. Sooner or later, it happens. Fighting with other people is normal. Things don’t always go the way we want them to go, and sometimes people act like total douchebags.

We’ve all been into fights and we know how it feels. For a brief moment, everything goes dark, you feel numb, and all this anger inside of you manifests in a way where you utter words you normally wouldn’t say.

These words hurt, and these words can ruin any type of relationship.

So the issue is not with fighting, but with how we react during fighting.

We start a fight with someone when we don’t know how to fight; hoping we can figure it out during the fight.

And why does this happen? Because couples tend to avoid having uncomfortable conversations and setting boundaries.

While you’re all happy and cute with your partner, try and ask the following questions:

How do you usually react when you’re angry?
When we’re in a fight do you need some time to cool off so we can discuss things later when we’re both calm?
Is there anything you do or say during a fight that I shouldn’t take seriously?

After you’ve both answered these questions, bring it home by setting your boundaries.

Saying something like this is very important:

“Listen, when we’re in a fight or a disagreement, I want you to understand that I want to feel heard, I don’t want us to raise our voices and I want us to work together to find a solution against our problem.”

Imagine all the fights you can avoid and de-escalate before they even happen.

This trick will save you countless hours and energy that would otherwise be wasted, shouting, and being mad at your partner and yourself, for absolutely no reason.

Have uncomfortable conversations and set your boundaries.

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Final notes

People find other people just so they can make life suck a bit less.

Life is hard already as it is, and having strong foundations when it comes to your relationship is a must.

No one wants to make their life harder, and your focus should be to find small tricks to make your interaction with other people effortless and productive.

The two things that you need to remember from this article are these here:

Social media can negatively influence your relationship by poisoning it. The antidote can be found once you’ve deleted your social media apps.
Have uncomfortable conversations with your partner before it’s too late, and set your boundaries by being open and honest with what you want and need from each other.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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