If you think about the possibilities in love, they are Endless. However, showing and expressing love can often lead is to valleys of drought. That is unless we take the time to find tangible ways to express it.
There is so much variety of content, available online, that helps us bridge some of these gaps. Then we can reach out to God for the rest. There will always be missing pieces that remain in our makeup. Our relationships are living, breathing organisms fluctuating and flatuating. They have their own whims and desires, their own Cerebral paradigms upon which they evolve.
As I have dealt into the ways that love is available to us, each and every one of us, and the way it is required of us, these are two very different things. We cannot render our loved ones a tune that they are not familiar with. It usually is not understood and taken well, despite all our well-intentions.
And so, as I learn to walk the path of the love I want to give, I have come across the love language Words Of Affirmation. It is a language that travels through their ears, before reaching their hearts and souls. The manta of the person who needs Words Of Affirmation would be, “Say That You Love Me”, which also happens to be an infamous lyric from a song by The Cardigans. Is it any surprise that many love songs and poetic phrases can do this type of lover under, and win their affection once and for all?
Love is not like climbing the Himalayas.
There is no Peak in Love.
There is always going to be low points, where the bleakness seems all encapsulating. There are always going to be high points where the two of you seem to melt into complete infinity. In between, the love keeps us afloat. And while my understanding of this might be in a romantic relationship, the same can be applied to anyone of your significant relationships.
In order to grow a relationship, no matter which love language they bear, one must attune to both the peaks and the valleys. One way we can do this is by being consistent in speaking the love language of our loved one.
For example, let’s take the case of Words of Affirmation. A tricky one, if there was ever one. That’s coming out of the mouth of a writer. So proceed with caution with a lover who needs words to feel your love. They are not easily impressed with feigned efforts at winning their hearts. If you are not sincere with your words, they will fly right over such folks.
One of the things I have noticed with a partner whose love language is Words of Affirmation is their uncanny ability to listen to you, like you are the only person in the world. They have such honed listening instincts that they leave you craving to be heard, over and over again. This is because listening to words is how they search for love. Some people search for love in materialism, some seek it in sex, and these folks understand and search for it in words. I have no idea why. That’s not what this article is for. I just have learned, or perhaps had a lucky break in recognizing my partner’s language was “Words of Affirmation”. My love for word has always allowed me to focus on writing poems, scripts and movie plots. I had no idea how none of this would go to waste when I entered this relationship. In order to meet my partner’s language, I started with writing him a single poem. From there, the floodgates opened into me seeing him through this love language.
It might have been easier for me as a writer, to write my feelings for him. However, it was very hard for me to understand this language. I am still struggling with it. The only thing writing gave me was the palette. He still wants to see (or hear?) a canvas that is fully resolved in terms of it’s final image. Here, I would like to mention that if what you want to say to your partner, isn’t fully from the heart (or you feel that it isn’t), don’t get discouraged. Just focus on your good intentions for them. You will be able to provide them good words of affirmation, even if you are not a writer.
In fact, providing words of affirmation has less to do with being a writer, and more to do with you willing to open yourself up in a different way. Buy being more intimate and honest, about all the positive things your partner does and is. For example, you are both lying in bed on a Saturday morning. Instead of pushing them to replay last night’s argument, or urging them to start helping you with the chores, start by warming them up for their day. Let them hear your love. Simple things, such as a breakfast in bed with a love note that says, “You Deserve The Entire Sky and Everything In It” or even a “The Best Part Of My Day Is You”, will swoon your lover off their feet.
I have read and devoured other articles on the internet regarding this Love Language. However, none have come close to addressing the discomfort we feel by saying Positive Things about our Partner. The matter of the fact is, like any other love language, this language will also bring up things in us that we have pushed down all these years. All our insecurities, fears and inadequacies come to surface in the face of Words of Affirmations. Now let’s apply the principles of light and dark. We all have both light and darkness inside us. When we come to recognize and appreciate the light of another individual on a daily basis, the darkness (both theirs and ours), will fight back.
We will want to show them how they are the warmest thing since our mother’s womb. And they will question this sentiment. In fact, my partner fought me tooth and nail on this one. Or, we might genuinely confuse their need to hear words of affirmation with the signal that they have self-worth issues. Quite the opposite actually. Such people have overcome so many barriers to communication that many of us could not climb over in span of a million light years. They have opened themselves up to criticism and being cut open by the very act of letting other people love them through their words.
Do you seriously think everything you will say to your partner is 100% positive? Quite the contrary. In the battlefield of relationships, we are messy and fragile. Both the person who needs words of affirmation and the one saying them are still only human. They are still confused at time, longing for more, not feeling enough or feeling too much all at once.
Before you get to loving someone who needs Words Of Affirmation, you must conquer your own lack. A lack of words for yourself. The way you deprive yourself of positivity and encouragement, is the same way you’ll deprive the person whose love language is Words of Affirmation. The only thing this person does, is bring a form of catharsis, by bringing your lack to surface.
After all, acceptance is the key to healing. And we could all use some healing words.
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Previously published on medium
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Photo credit: Mary Niazi