My new “acquaintance” told me a few days ago, “I don’t see us being more than friends. I’ve been hurt too much and am afraid to fall in love again.” Blah, blah, blah. She’s a nice person, and I haven’t invested any emotions yet, so I’m totally fine with being friends. But when someone is giving you the “I don’t believe in love.” or any other speech about why they aren’t ready for a relationship at the moment, it’s an excuse for lack of interest.
I bet she’ll believe in love if Ryan Gosling was on the other end. Both men and women do this to reject you kindly.
“I just got out of an exhausting relationship. I’m tired.”
“You’re not exactly my type.”
“I just want to focus on my career right now.”
“I’m just not ready for commitment.”
“Let’s just be friends and see what happens.”
“I just don’t think I’m a good fit for you.”
We sometimes interpret these reasons as having moderate interest but held back by legitimate concerns. And that they might still change their minds at some point. They won’t. For one, attraction is instant. We know whether we see someone romantically in a matter of seconds, which means she has already made up her mind about you. Two, if she likes you enough, she’ll tolerate almost all problems and ignore signs of incompatibility in the beginning.
Still, women will send mixed signals. She could come on strong and appear inviting. But if at some point you notice her behaving in the following ways, she really isn’t that crazy about you at all.
She isn’t deeply curious about your life
Is she asking you small talk questions concerning what you did this past weekend or is she eager to know who you are as a person? If she tries to investigate your financial and family background, then she’s already thinking about a possible future with you. A genuinely intrigued woman will try every way, directly, or indirectly to learn about a guy inside out. She’ll ask mutual friends or observe your behaviors. If she’s a straightforward person, she’ll come asking you about your past relationships. Conversely, if she isn’t asking at least some penetrating questions at some point, she doesn’t consider you a real option.
Reassurance is different from wanting approval
Women trying to impress you and show you how fascinating her life is doesn’t always mean she wants you to fall in love with her. All women love and need attention or some sort of reassurance. They want to hear from you that their makeup is perfect. They aren’t fat. She doesn’t need you to give her a sense of self. She simply wants men to affirm it.
She won’t adjust her schedule for you
Everybody is busy. But as we always say, if you really wanted to do something, you’d find the time. This is a very clear indicator of someone’s interest level. If they never go out of their way to fit your schedule, it means they aren’t willing to invest in you.
She doesn’t mind not seeing you or talking to you for extended periods of time
Women need constant communication to feel connected, whether through messaging or phone, or in person. If a week goes by without you reaching out, and they seem okay with it, then it means your absence doesn’t affect them much at all.
She never initiates conversations or makes plans
It doesn’t mean much when women ask you to hang out or call you. She could be bored and lonely. But if she never contacts you, need I say no more.
She doesn’t express affection verbally or physically
It’s much easier for women to move on a guy than the other way around. In fact, it’s females who usually initiate physical contact first. If she’s not responding to flirting or looking for excuses to touch you, it’s not because she’s shy or doesn’t want to seem like a casual person or enjoys being chased. She’s just as indifferent on the inside as she is on the outside.
She doesn’t reveal too much about her personal life
A woman who likes you want you to share her stories. She wants to get closer to you by bringing you into her life. If it feels like you’re prying information out of her mouth, she’s not serious.
Love me or hate me, I don’t want anything in between
Sometimes we ignore these clear signs of disinterest because we want to believe that she likes us and construe her aloofness and nonchalant attitude as a tactic to reel you in. Or worse, we’re willing to settle for mediocre treatment. We’ll put up with their hot and cold. We’re okay with being just another option. We allow them to enter and exit our lives whenever they desire. We don’t mind treating us like a spare tire. We’re just happy they even like us at all.
Like Mark Manson said in Models: Attract Women Through Honesty, you want her to be a “Fuck yes” or a “Fuck no.” Anything in between isn’t worth your time. If a girl presents weak reasons for not wanting to be with you, she simply doesn’t like you to the degree you should expect her to. Period.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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