Should You Change For Your Lover?

They say you cannot change the world, but you can change your world. “You” is not the only force of nature that can change your world — love has the power to transform your world.

With that said, however, you have to ask yourself: should you let love change who you are as a person? Is it okay to change for love?

When you are in the middle of doing or dealing with something with passion, you may feel like you would do anything for your lover. You would do it grinning from ear to ear.

However, in the long run, changing — or attempting to change — the person you are will lead to significant issues if the change is insincere or forced upon you by your lover.

When you are falling in love with your lover, chances are, they are the person you spend most of your quality time with.

And since we constantly receive information from and keep a watchful eye on the behaviour of those in our space, your significant other is bound to influence your character development and your personality, whether or not you recognise it on a conscious level.

Obtaining new perspectives and learning new things from a lover is a life-changing experience. If they can help you discover your potential or introduce you to new life lessons, your relationship becomes not only more intimate but also more meaningful.

Additionally, meeting each other halfway is an enormous element of a thriving relationship, as no two souls will be able to fit into each other’s lives seamlessly without both of them making some room.

But the thing is, you cannot force yourself to change. No one should force you to change. You must think about whether or not any changes you implement will be beneficial for both of you after the initial tsunami of love has subsided.

You must also ask yourself whether or not you are making the changes because you genuinely want to for your relationship’s sake or you are pressured tremendously to change by your partner.

All relationships are different, as are people. However, it is very helpful for your relationship for you to take into account whether the changes you are making to yourself are of benefit or otherwise.

Change is healthy when…

1. You are broadening your horizons.

If your other half introduces you to a whole new world of seeing everything around you to expand your range of interests and knowledge — by discovering a new routine or trying new things — it can be absolutely life-changing for you, despite its challenges.

Changing your opinions on social issues or the lens you see the world through, or uncovering more about a movement for good that they are devoted to, like anti-corruption and data privacy, can also be beneficial for you.

Just remember not to abandon any interests or causes that you are passionate about for the sake of shiny and new things unless you are truly curious about them.

2. You are more health-conscious than before and thus, becoming healthier.

Frequently, it is not until another human being becomes an integral part of our lives that we begin to take our health seriously.

Loving someone means we want to give them everything we got and if we are not fit to serve them our best, it could affect them later on.

Hence, if your partner encourages you to eat vegetables, exercise more frequently, or adopt a more balanced diet, view this as a plus.

3. It forces you to grow and thus, make you a “better” person.

Everyone’s idea of what makes a “good” person is different. However, if you are evolving to become a more thoughtful, loving, or passionate individual, it certainly is a big plus.

When we fall in love with someone, we sincerely aim to become 1% better every day. We strive to be the best partner we can be. Ultimately, the action of giving and receiving has a powerful impact on relationships, not only with others but with yourself as well.

Change is unhealthy when…

1. The change is forced upon you by your partner.

If you are changing your world for your lover, three things:

• It should be your choice entirely;
• You should be well aware of it; and
• You are doing it for the right reasons.

You should not be changing your views because you feel like you need to reshuffle core elements about yourself for the sake of earning someone’s love.

You are amazing just the way you are. Anyone you are in a partnership with should love, adore and respect you that way. Whilst finding a middle ground is of great significance, love should be easy to earn; it should not be something you must earn by aligning yourself with your partner’s dream lover.

Whether your other half openly presses you to change or does so by leaving behind subtle signs, neither is it healthy nor beneficial.

You are who you are. Although you will continuously evolve throughout your life, you should never be made to feel as though you are not worthy of love. No one should make you feel that way. Not even your partner.

2. You leave other important people in your life behind.

Changing who you are to the degree that you cease spending time with the people you value is always a bad idea.

Whilst, if you are fortunate, your immediate family members will always be there for you, your friends might not stand by your side if they are viewed as options instead of priorities, especially if you expect them to be there lingering around should the relationship crumbles.

Never neglect the life you have outside of your relationship. Spend quality time with your friends whom you have known for ages. Romantic love may not last for eternity, but a loyal friend will be constantly prepared to support and assist you until you take your last breath.

3. It is a one-sided relationship.

It is not unusual for one party to make more changes than the other — for instance, migrating to another country for the relationship — but if it is all one person, then that should be a cause for concern.

You should both be willing to change and meet halfway to keep the relationship alive and rich.

Always stand ready to compromise.

To ensure the continuation of the relationship, you will have to make a deal with your partner. You cannot run away from it.

Being able to come to terms with the small and big stuff whilst remaining true to yourself is critical for relationship success.

If you observe the negligible stuff as backstabbing your integrity, your relationship will be short-lived. However, if you enable yourself to wander in the relationship or give your partner permission to control your life, you will surely resent yourself, your partner and your life.

It is all about locating that area where you are prepared and willing to change. And again, for the right reasons.

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Previously Published on medium

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