Simple Things To Be Grateful For When You’ve Been Ghosted

In the old days, people went for a pack of cigarettes and just never returned. That was ghosting then.

Nowadays we also think of the phenomenon in digital terms as in not answering texts, email, or taking calls. Modern ghosters have evolved the ability to simply disappear from a relationship into the thin air of cyberspace.

This cowardly and cruel method of social rejection can leave the person ghosted in actual pain, frustration, and anger. A victim feels dehumanized, and humiliated. The implication that one wasn’t considered deserving of an explanation can also leave one feeling undervalued. But there’s a bright side.

Wait, there’s a bright side?

In the long run:

1. You have been spared a relationship with someone probably high in the dark triad traits. These are people who tend to be self-centered, less compassionate, and less emphatic.
2. Further hassles of being in a relationship with an emotionally immature person are no longer yours to suffer. This is someone who probably thinks abandoning you in this manner is a favor because they are sparing you the pain of a drawn-out breakup.
   Only the emotionally immature with little depth of understanding or empathy can think this way. Otherwise, how can they not see the pain and humiliation their victim would likely suffer after being ghosted.
3. You no longer need to bear the frustration of having to keep up a relationship with someone who obviously does not regard you as a priority. They may be distracted with other (potential) partners, other more important activities or they were just not into you which, according to this BuzzFeed survey, is the reason 81% of participants gave for why they ghosted.
4. You are free of someone incapable of having a serious conversation about the relationship’s future or lack of, which would require honesty about how they really feel. And one group most likely to avoid those situations and therefore, more likely to ghost are people with particular attachment issues that stem from childhood. Specifically anxious attachment and avoidant attachment styles.
   This is not to say that people with these attachment styles cant have relationships, they can, and under the right circumstance, they can even alter their behavior. However, that is no longer your problem.

Bottomline

Being rejected this way can be lead to understandable sadness, feelings of being disrespected, and engender feelings of self-doubt. Definitely, no relationship, however brief, should have to end without at least a talk. Unfortunately, a ghoster is of the immature, inconsiderate, emotionally unavailable kind. So it is best to remember it is more about them than it is about you. You are not to blame for their dark personality types or their insecure attachment styles.

Be kind to yourself because there is probably no way you could have known. Take the time to connect with people who really appreciate you for a change. People who give you a sense of community with whom you feel safe and valued.

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Previously Published on medium

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