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Being present in the moment, the game slows down. I’ve experienced that phenomenon in Aikido, when someone comes to attack. In the context of slowing down the game, slowing down life often occurs in sports at the highest level with the world’s best athletes. Kobe Bryant and Lebron James talk about how the game slows down when they’re down by 2 points with 30 seconds left to play. Tom Brady talks about slowing down the game, when he’s got a minute left to score the winning touchdown.
Mastery at least in the physical realm revolves around the speed, the timing, and the focus. As my Aikido skills advanced Sensei told me, “It’s all about timing and distance.” What’s the distance between me and my attacker? How strong and how fast is he coming to punch or grab me? Slow the game down in my mind.
Be present. Slow the game down. Even Mom said, “Slow down.” Sensei Dan said, “Wait it out. Don’t move too early.” “Move in.”
Practicing Aikido technique for the punching attack I listen to Sensei’s voice in my mind, “It’s only one time. Take a glancing blow if you have to.” Wait out the attack until the last possible moment. Even if I just feel the fist touch the skin on my face, I have the attacker. The attacker’s mind and body are fully committed. I can now lead his mind. I can lead his body as well. That is Sensei’s mastery of matching with the attack.
Matched up, I finish the attack; I either lead him around and clothesline to the neck or open up my hips and takedown with a wrist lock. Either way, it ends. It’s one time. I surrender to the attack, let the attack come to me. “Everything natural,” as Sensei would say. The attack dissipates and plays itself out. Slow it down in my mind. I’m present in that moment, in the matching. I’m one with the attack.
I believe that applies in how we listen to another. Hell, that’s easier. Typically, the other isn’t coming to punch you in the face. Well, not usually. Slow it down. Wait it out.
Often, I listen to hurry others, “Come on! What’s your fucking point?” Granted, I’m more forgiving with those I’m in relationship with. Still, at times I rush to listen: “You’re wasting my time here…”
Much like the guy coming to punch me, the other person speaking may come at me stronger, weaker, slower or faster. He or she may have an agenda or may just be rifting. I can wait out in my listening much like I wait out the attack in Aikido. I slow down my listening to others. Sensei continually reminded, “Not everything is the same speed.” Rather, others will speak at their own speed, at their own strengths. So as with Aikido – awase. Blend with the speaker. Match up in listening.
Slow down to get what someone is saying. Slow down to listen. In O-Sensei’s Aikido: There’s no enemy. No opponent. So in our conversations: There is no enemy. No opponent. Slow down, and be with the other person. It’s truly not all about me. It’s about becoming us in conversation. Becoming one in our listening to each other.
After a 2-hour teleconference, I had a follow-up discussion with a colleague. We thrashed about ideas for the “fiscally responsible” options. Ray, who is a Ph.D., several years older and way smarter than I am, began his story about the laboratory study that literally measured the speed of shadows cast by moving objects. I love Ray. But WTF?
I caught myself. I slowed down my listening, and waited it out. I stopped listening ahead for the outcome or punchline, so to speak. I became present. I listened for the genius in Ray’s generous narrative.
At the conclusion of his story, I said, “Brilliant. That’s totally out-of-the-box.” We further explored and created our ideas. After all, Ray is smarter. A genuine man. A good man.
Maybe we often rush to listen, rush to hear the outcome, instead of waiting it out. Listening occurs as what we want to hear. Rather than listening unfolding naturally, unforced in the surprise. Surprise can be either good or not so good. And be with everything natural.
Listening becomes the lesson in generosity and humility. Really, we don’t know what greater than is within another unless we’re willing to wait it out. Slow things down. Be present. That entails practice. And more practice. Use life as your Dojo to practice the art of listening.
Wait it out and listen to others as greater than >. Slow it down. Do your best to get others, in the said and unsaid. That person might want greater for you. You’ll miss it if you “move too soon”. Often it may be wiser to: Shut the fuck up, and be grateful. Listen in silence. Listen to get it.
Have grace. Allow others to make a difference for you. It’s not always about giving to others. There’s grace in receiving as well. I believe the world flows in that way.
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