Spoiled Boys and Toxic Masculinity

Narcissism makes a person focus on his or her own needs and ignore what others need. Everyone sometimes behaves like this, but narcissists frequently show a lack of empathy for those around them. They disregard or dismiss others’ needs and feelings and ignore how their actions affect others.

Narcissism is more common in men, though of course it also occurs with women. It is one component of NPD, or narcissistic personality disorder.

Lately it seems that we are seeing an increase in this lack of empathy. For example, the school shooter in Uvalde obviously did not care about the lives he took, whether they were innocent children and cats or his own grandmother.

Is this just the pinnacle of toxic masculinity? And what could be contributing to it?

I remember several years back, when a little boy asked me if he could pet my cat. My cat at the time, Snoopy, was beautiful and very fluffy and she liked to go on walks with me. It was during one of the walks that the boy came up to us.

I told the boy, “Yes, you can pet her, but only if she allows you to, and only if you are gentle.”

He didn’t comprehend because he immediately tried to snatch at her. She of course bolted under the nearest car. So he tried to crawl in after her.

“Stop that!” I said. “She does not want to be petted. Leave her alone!”

He didn’t listen to me and kept crawling until he could grab her. She immediately scratched his hand and drew blood.

He came out from under the car wailing. “She’s a bad cat!”

“No,” I said. “She is a good cat. She didn’t attack you. She defended herself after making it clear she didn’t want to be touched. YOU should have left her alone!”

Fortunately I didn’t have to deal with the boy’s mother. I thought the boy was a spoiled brat, and his parents were probably the cause.

I have seen this on many occasions, where a parent allows their child to misbehave and thinks it is cute or acceptable. I have friends who are veteran teachers who have told me horror stories.

“Twenty years ago, if we had a child who was misbehaving, the parents would discipline the child. Now, they come down on the teacher no matter how badly their child is in the wrong,” a friend told me.

Unfortunately, and I hate to say this, boys are more likely to be indulged than girls.

I have seen many situations where little girls are disciplined for acting out but their brothers are indulged because “boys will be boys”. Unfortunately, this kind of thing conditions boys to expect to be treated as “special”.

Of course, all children are special but…

When I taught art classes, one thing I’d notice with some boys but seldom with girls — wanting to be the center of attention. Talking non-stop. Interrupting other children.

Again, all children do this to some degree, but boys are more likely to be conditioned to think they are the focus of the universe. And this adversely affects some of them.

In the example I cited earlier, that little boy refused to take “no” for an answer from my cat. She eventually clawed him. However, what if he was bigger and stronger?

What if he decided, if the cat wouldn’t let him pet her, she should be killed? What if he decided, if a woman said no to him, she should be raped? What if he decided, if people wouldn’t accept him, then they should die?

When children aren’t taught to respect boundaries, to respect other people, and to have empathy at an early age, this can have eventual horrible ramifications for society.

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Previously Published on Medium

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