I have been working towards becoming a therapist for almost twenty years. It’s something I have known I’ve wanted to do for half of my adult life, and yet I’m not yet there. I had great intentions, and even some real forward action in the right direction (like several graduate degrees), but then life happened as it often does, and I got derailed.
While many great things have happened in the interim, there is this gnawing feeling that I ‘should’ already be there, and for years I have felt as if I’m swimming upstream, paddling against the currents of my own life — trying to get ‘there,’ yet being sucked even further back, feeling more drained and fatigued than ever. And yet I’ve put these pressures on myself; I’ve chosen the upstream route, when I could’ve been paddling with the current all along, taking life far more lightly than I did, than I have been. It may seem odd, but really — why not? Why must we berate ourselves, punish ourselves, and live a difficult life?
The choice is there and ours always, to decide at any moment, how we react to and approach our lives.
I think the word ‘should’ ought to be removed from our vocabulary altogether. It carries far too many expectations and negative connotations. It is a word we use to judge and criticize both others and ourselves. It is not a productive or positive word, and it keeps us small, exhausted, and drained — always trying to get to where we ‘should’ be, but aren’t.
Should is a self-defeating word.
What if we dropped the shoulds and instead leaned into our lives? What if we paddled with the currents, versus against them, to get to where we wish to be?
When we stop judging and criticizing ourselves, we can actually focus on positive forward movement.
When we meet ourselves where we are (versus criticize ourselves for where we are not), we can then be more present in our lives and from there we can move forward with more ease, with momentum! We must first be willing to face ourselves, to accept our pasts, our wounds, and our imperfections. We must invest in ourselves; accept and love ourselves, forgive ourselves, and become our own best cheerleaders! From there — the future is brighter, smoother, and more easily flowing. From there — anything is possible!
When we are willing to face our true selves, broken and whole, perfectly imperfect, and sit with ourselves as we are, where we are, the currents of our lives begin to shift.
The more we accept, the more present we become, and new possibilities emerge.
We might even find ourselves ever more present to the ‘random’ gifts of the universe, to the signs that are often all around us, and begin to open ourselves up to receiving their messages.
From a place of what is, versus what ‘should’ be, we can move in unity with the currents of our lives, paddling with more power and velocity towards the lives we imagine.
Come row with me! Face yourself, gain new clarity, then paddle like hell with the currents of your life towards the future you most imagine!
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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