Success on Our Own Terms

We learned about honesty and integrity – that the truth matters… that you don’t take shortcuts or play by your own set of rules… and success doesn’t count unless you earn it fair and square. — Michelle Obama

Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success. — Swami Sivananda

However difficult life may seem, there is always something you can do and succeed at. — Stephen Hawking

As I was perusing the latest issue of O Magazine, I found myself (or lost myself) in a familiar endless loop tape of thought. I am a writer by inclination, experience, passion and of necessity. I can’t NOT write. My love affair with the written word began in early childhood during which I would tote books around like they were toys. I would ask adults to read to me and I would return the favor. I would learn the meaning and spelling of words while sitting in waiting and examining rooms of our family doc while awaiting allergy shots and treatment for asthma. My mother and I would play games that incorporated those skills.

Although I would write for fun, journaling for therapeutic purposes, and to fulfill class requirements in school, it wasn’t until 1988 when I became a magazine co-publisher that the word-work over the years began to pay off. For 10 years, I penned articles and conducted interviews with transformational teachers. What a thrill to pick the brains of these ‘movers and shakers’! When my husband died in 1998, I became a freelancer and one writing gig led to another. All throughout, my dream had been to see my name on the roster of those I referred to as ‘Oprah’s Darlings;’ (ODs) writers who had ‘made it.’ Can’t remember when I sent my initial query letter to the publication; but I am thinking it has been more than a dozen years ago, intending to have the words that inspire readers (such as those who peruse HuffPo) inspire hers as well. It’s not just ego that drives my desire, although I can’t think of any writer in my circles who would turn down that opportunity. Turning the pages, I could feel a sense of disgruntlement, as my inner brat snarked that, “my stuff is just as good as hers,” referring to authors whose work I really do admire. The next step was downward into, “If it really WAS, then you would be reading your own words on those glossy pages.” Back and forth I went, with neither of those states feeling particularly pleasant. It always boomeranged back to a feeling of inadequacy. Who knows what journey it took for “ODs” to reach that pinnacle of professional success?

I have defined professional success as being able to do what I love, use my creative gifts and talents to be of service and support myself well financially. I have viewed relational success as being in conscious, loving, responsible interaction with those who cross my path, for whatever duration we are in each other’s lives. Intention and reality have not always meshed, as there have been times in my life when the consistent flow of abundance has been blocked.

It had me contemplating the meaning of success and asking of those in my life what significance that word has for them.

The answers varied dramatically:

“Accumulation of positive energy!”

“Feeling content and abundant.”

“I think success is highly subjective. It is an individual feeling of fulfillment. At first I wrote accomplishment- but it has nothing to do with accomplishment.”

“Big success or little success, each day we may achieve something we have not accomplished before… even each moment. Hey, in early recovery to say sober or clean for one day a was big success…”

“Success is transcending the one who would possess and control.”

“ Back when I was at Bell Labs in Summit, NJ, we had just delivered a release of the Unix operating system, months late. For six months, I was getting to work at 7AM, and most days the whole team would gather for dinner in the company cafeteria, which management ordered in for us, then we’d go back to work until 9 or 10. And we were in most Saturdays, as well. So they had a “release party” when it was finally done, and our development director got up and told us what a success we were. I caught him afterwards. “Bill,” I said, “this sure doesn’t feel like a success to me. I’ve been short-changing my wife and friends for half a year now, I haven’t had any time to myself, I’ve been eating my dinners at work, and getting here before breakfast the next day. To me, success would be if management would commit to what can actually be done, on time, and with quality, and without screwing up the lives of everyone who works here.” I don’t think he really enjoyed hearing that.”

“If I did my best and it brings me peace, I was successful. It is not about recognition or acknowledgement. It is all about peace, in my heart! “

“ In my book, success means getting paid for writing the article on success.”

“In love, in happiness..”

“ I measure significance, instead.”

“Gratifying results never come by way of dismissing and devaluing what feels most enjoyable to you in the here and now.”

“ Loving your life more and more.”

“ Being able to live your life in alignment with your highest value”s.”

“ Success is setting a goal, aiming high, and doing my best to reachmy aim. In fact, I like to achieve beyond my aim.”

“ By how good I feel long term with that I have control over. By how well I can support myself and accept what I do not have control over. By how much loving kindness I can give and receive in any given moment. By how much I’ve acted in service to others and how I’ve grown to do this better over time.”

“ In my career as a physical therapist, success is demonstrated by the level in which my patients need me less and learn to build and rely on their own confidence, ability and independence. In my career as an artist, success is harder for me to define. There is a part which is about developing a communication and relationship with self as well as relationship to others.”

“ Success is FULFILLMENT…and Being and Feeling Worthy!”

“I think of the material yardsticks of our culture, fleeting and over-rated. i think of spiritual progress, but that too can be quite temporal and elusive. sign me, ‘recovering in talent’… but indeed winning may not be everything, as I often tend to learn more from my defeats.”

“ The trick is not to measure things by defining them against a Yard stick. Perhaps it is a feeling of not needing to measure anything and just allowing each moment to be the teacher without regard to past or future.”

“A multitude of ways but in essence the feeling of wellbeing.”

“ I measure success in terms of distance traveled.”

“ An abundance of love (especially self-love) joy, freedom, and yeah, I’ll put cash in there too! (which goes to creating the freedom!) “

“ Feeling you are right in the center of where you’re meant to be.”

“ By how low my perfectionism level is against it. If my inner perfectionist is working overtime, success meter is rock bottom. If my inner perfectionist is heeding relegation to the courtesan couch in the back of my psyche, then success meter is very high.”

“ Full expression of my strengths.””

“ I believe everyone would look at success differently based on their perceptions and perspectives in their life. For me it would be the love , joy and peace that I feel – being in alignment with Divine intelligence and living to my Highest Potential for the wellbing of all…”

“ You’re asking the million dollar question, Edie. There is no one way to measure success, there are a gazillion ways – ha ha – some measure it through material success, others through personal growth, others through their career accomplishments, others through their impact on the world, etc etc etc Good luck that is one hard task.”

“From a boy in therapy with very wealthy parents: when you are a success you are not happy. when you are happy you are a success.”

“ Sometimes success is measured by being there or helping one person at time.”

“ I measure success by waking up and having a good day and those that aren’t that good staying balanced through anything thrown my way .”

“ Success means – for me – inner peace and joy. Being accepted and respected in view of what you told me a few years ago – I am worth my many years of experience and wisdom.When women realise they are worth being paid and remembering the passage from the bible that has been frequently spoken to me when I expected to be paid, that money is the root of all evil. How convenient to forget the entire quotation. THE LOVE OF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL. Try living in this world without it. Agencies have flattered me in the past, ending with my favourite – this will be pro bono. in the past I thought about it and quite recently when it happened again I immediately responded with The hell it is!!! Got my fee.”

“ To feel and act from real kindness toward self and other in the face of hurtful aggression; to be content with how things unfold when the hoped-for/prayed-for outcome does not happen; to not speak when speaking would be unkind; to speak up against injustice when doing so will cost me something; to follow the deepest inner impulse when others counsel more prudent paths; to stay open and available to that which is larger, surrendering to the Sacred; to have and feel mercy in the face mistakes- my own and others’- that have difficult consequences; to be with the vastness of what I do not and cannot know, holding it close and not reaching for easy, mollifying answers; to live with the questions letting them lead me more deeply into this one, small, brief life. . . . “

“If I’m happy, I’m successful.”

How do you measure success?

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This post was previously published on huffpost.com and is republished on Medium.

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