Take the Time

In the bigger picture, I won’t define my legacy. Those who shared in my journey shall define my legacy after I’m gone. By definition, I’ll never know my legacy. Just saying. I do what I can, what’s meaningful to me and to others. I work on my greater-than versions and let the chips fall where they may.

I had dinner at my favorite Thai restaurant. I hadn’t dined there since the COVID-19 pandemic outbreak. I saw my server friend Clarenz, who knew my usual orders. This time, I got fish with eggplant and steamed dumplings. Clarenz remembered that I liked fish sauce instead of the standard hot sauce. Very cool.

We caught up for a few minutes. 20-year-old Clarenz is Filipino American. In high school, he dreamed of owning his own restaurant, serving authentic Filipino cuisine. There aren’t many authentic Filipino restaurants in Torrance and the local area. Clarenz planned to complete his bachelor’s degree in business. I said that’s great. Having that degree would present future opportunities. The last time we spoke, he had considered forgoing his degree.

Clarenz was excited that he’s getting his own food booth at the Farmer’s Market later this year. He completed the paperwork and applied for appropriate licenses. He wants to cook authentic Filipino barbecue. Very yummy stuff. I told him that I’ll be there when he opens. We exchanged mobile phone numbers.

I talked with my other server friend Jade. He was glad to catch up, too. Clarenz had told Jade that I came by a few weeks earlier for takeout. Like me, Jade’s a big movie fan. Spider-Man: No Way Home was our favorite movie of 2021. We were both disappointed by Marvel’s Eternals. I recommended Free Guy starring Ryan Reynolds, which was my second favorite of 2021.

I told Jade that he looked good. Since I last saw him, he had lost a lot of weight. I asked whether he had been working out. Jade said that he changed up his diet, eliminating a lot of carbs. He had yet to begin an exercise routine. Jade took a break from his college studies at the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic. He planned on resuming his business degree next fall.

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Dinner was awesome. The food was great. Clarenz generously picked up my tab. I made sure that I left him a good tip. Yes, I’ll be back and visit with the dudes. I really had no idea that I was meaningful to Clarenz and Jade. Over the years, I just showed genuine interest in them, in their lives. That had not always been my operating practice.

A few years ago in the throes of my clinical depression, I suffered and obsessed with myself. The world was all about me, in a detrimental way. While working with my therapist Lance to heal my childhood trauma and depression, I learned to love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I lightened the fuck up.

For over 25 years, the late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido and what it is to be a good man. Sensei said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” I brought that to bear in working with my therapist Lance. I just trained to heal my clinical depression. I put in the work. Making a difference for others arose as my natural self-expression.

Cheryl Hunter said, “Be kind to others. Be kind to yourself.” I practiced kindness for others and for me. I purposefully started taking authentic interest in others. I practiced getting them, what it’s like to be them. Although I won’t define my legacy nor will I ever know mine, my legacy defines in my relationships. Just saying.

The GOAT (Greatest of All-Time) NFL Quarterback Tom Brady retired after the Los Angeles Rams defeated his Tampa Bay Bucs in the Divisional Playoffs. The Rams went on to win the Super Bowl, defeating the Cincinnati Bengals. After his 2 month retirement, Tom chose to return for his 23rd NFL season. He’s won 7 Super Bowls in 10 appearances. Tom is also a GOAT as a leader of men in professional sports.

NFL Hall of Famer, 3-time Super Bowl Champion, Cornerback Ty Law spoke with ESPN First Take Hosts Stephen A. Smith and Molly Qerim-Rose about what made Tom the GOAT. Ty and Tom were teammates for 5 years on the New England Patriots, winning 2 Super Bowls together.

Ty said that what distinguished Tom was his innate humility. He said, “He (Tom) kept his head down and did his job.” As the profound leader of men, Ty said, “He is the most unassuming Superstar. He knows everybody on that team… He knows about their family.” He said, “He takes the time to know everybody.”

In my own trials and tribulation, in Aikido, in therapy, in my writing, I get that the world isn’t all about me. It’s about others evolving into the best versions of themselves. That makes a difference.

I’m no Tom Brady. I’m no GOAT. Still, we get that making a difference for others sources in taking the time to get to know them. Just saying.