The #1 Mindset That Makes You More Desirable

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Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.

Intro:

When we’re worried that we’ll never find a great relationship after a breakup, we forget that we’re the one who got into that relationship. We’re the asset. Someone chose us because we have something that makes us choosable.

Confidence:

Let’s talk about confidence. We put up a poll on Instagram, asking what was the most impactful way a lack of confidence has held people back in their lives. I think it’s going to be fascinating to get the answers. We’re also going to talk about some of the content we’ve developed over the years that could be relevant to some of these areas where people feel like a lack of confidence has held them back.

But before I get into this, ask yourself this question right now as a listener: Where has a lack of confidence held you back in your life? Either over the course of your life or very recently.

We’re in 2023 now, three months into the year. We all tend to start a new year with a sense of anticipation, a sense of what we want to get out of the year. It’s frightening how quickly a year goes. Q1 is already over, and we’re going into the second quarter of the year. Where do you feel you’ve held yourself back this year already? What do you feel is not where it should be? What risks have you not taken? Maybe certain risks you said you would take back on January 1st. Things you said you would do more of, ways you said you’d get out of your shell, out of your comfort zone, and do more, live more, experience more, talk to more strangers, apply for a position that you didn’t apply for before, try to learn a new skill. Where did you say you were going to level up this year that, if you’re honest with yourself, you haven’t taken action on? How has a lack of confidence held you back?

I want you to think about your answer in your mind right now. And I also want you to hear that you’re in great company because we had hundreds and hundreds of comments from people who are all in the same boat. So Audrey, share with us some of the answers that we got.

Question:

I have a question before I do that. Okay, I want to ask you—I want to turn this around onto you. This is an ambush. I didn’t know this was coming.

Neither did I. Yeah, what—for you, what is one of the most impactful ways a lack of confidence has held you back in your life? Or you feel maybe is holding you back in life right now. Maybe we could ask Chat GPT to answer as Matthew, and then we get the real answer.

I, Stephen, stop giving people ideas about how to use us on Chat GPT.

I—I—you know what? Here’s what first comes to mind. I have had a tendency over the years to grab at lots of different opportunities that come my way. And while I’ve said no to a lot of things, and I’m proud of what I’ve said no to, I’m as proud of what I’ve said yes to. I still, okay, have found myself… and this is not—I can’t speak in past tense about this because I’m still working on this. But I’ve found myself taking on more things than I can handle when they come my way. All of them are good, all of them are exciting, all of them represent real potential and real opportunity. But I think that if I’m honest with myself, deep down, the reason why I’m doing it is not simply because I’m this hyper-ambitious person who loves getting as much as possible out of life and wants to do all the things, which is true, but I think there’s underlying that is this sense of fear about needing to strike while the iron is hot, needing to do this thing now because it may go away, or I’m, you know, this may be just a moment, and I need to do it all right now while I’m in this moment. It’s kind of almost a bit of a scarcity mindset about it. You know, I’ve had an abundant mindset in lots of ways in my career, which is, you know, part of the reason why it is what it is. But the thing that makes me say yes too often and then get me overloaded and overwhelmed is fear-based. It’s this feeling that it might go away. And, you know, I had a realization recently at a mastermind that we went to in Napa with lots of amazing people. If you look at our Instagram, which is @theMatthewHussey, if you don’t follow me on Instagram, there are pictures from this mastermind. And we had all sorts of amazing people there. You know, we had Lewis House and Lisa Bilyeu, Amy Porterfield, Jenna Kutcher, Jay Shetty, Ed Mylett, Tom Bilyeu. It was like an amazing group of people. Brendan Bouchard, Dean Graziosi. And there was a comment in the room that was very similar to that. It was, you know, this idea of feeling the need to strike while the iron’s hot. And I remember someone in the room saying, “The iron is always hot because of who you are. The iron is hot because you’re this wonderful, charismatic, great-to-be-around person with great ideas and a huge amount of value to give. So the iron’s not going to go cold. Like, you’re the iron. The iron is hot, and it’s going to stay hot.” And when I heard that, it really resonated with me because I have had that insecurity. And I think that a more confident position to take would be to say, “I don’t need to rush. There’s time. I have a long career ahead of me. Not everything has to happen this year or the next year or even in the next five years. And I can actually have the confidence to breathe into my life more and enjoy the road more and know that those opportunities will still be on the table when the time frees up for them.” So I think that one of the greatest ways that a lack of confidence has affected me and disguised itself as just pure ambition has been that I’ve overloaded myself to a degree that has made me suffer an awful lot over the years with incredible amounts of stress, incredible amounts of overwhelm, which at times have affected my health quite literally, have really affected my health, have made me incredibly unhappy, have at times really made me not enjoy the work because there’s just too much of it. And if you have too much of something, even if you like it, you just can’t enjoy it. And have probably made me not a great person to be around for a lot of people who love me very much but weren’t experiencing the best side of me because I was really stressed and didn’t have much capacity to be playful or to be loving or to just be in the moment. It’s very interesting the way, and I know that wasn’t necessarily said directly to you, but being given permission to be, to sort of have confidence in yourself often has to come from somebody else. It often has to come from somebody else’s authority of saying, “You are great. You don’t need to worry about that. You don’t need to strike while the iron is hot. You can do it. You’ve got time.” And the goal really, I think, is to try and be able to give that to ourselves, right? Rather than having to hear it from someone else.

I agree. I think that we sometimes disconnect from the truth, which is that we are the asset. That when we’re worried that we’ll never find a great relationship after a breakup, we forget that we’re the one who got into that relationship. We’re the asset. Someone chose us because we have something that makes us choosable. We get scared that we lose a job, and that means we’re never going to find another job. But we’re the person who got the job. And you can look back on the history of your life and say, “How many things came to me because I did that? Because there was something desirable about me? Because I hustled? Because I worked my ass off? Because I have a skill set? Because I have value to give?” And if you connect with that, then you’re really connecting with this idea that you are the asset, you are the golden goose laying the eggs. So you don’t need to freak out about, you know, maybe a golden egg got taken. You’re the one laying them. You can lay another one. And that’s something I’ve had to let sink in with myself over time, is that I didn’t—I know success always has an element of luck in there, but I’ve reliably been able to produce results because of who I am and the effort that I put in. I don’t need to freak out that all of a sudden it’s going to dry up because as long as I’m still breathing, I can still do more of that.

Conclusion:

I hope you enjoyed the video. Before you go, do sign up for the 30-day confidence challenge at mhchallenge.com. It’s going to be a really fun experience, live coaching with me on the 13th of April, and then 30 days of completing five missions that are going to significantly increase your confidence for whatever goals you have in your life right now. I’ll see you there. Mhchallenge.com is the link. I can’t wait. Thanks for watching.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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