The #1 Question To Ask Yourself for Clarity in Any Situation

Shades of grey are best left to paint swatches and erotic novels. They aren’t as adept at revealing how you feel about the paths before you.

If I had applied this principle to my own life, I would probably have divorced years earlier. I would have sold my business. I would have moved across the country and tried something new. I would have started dancing years earlier. But instead, I languished, not happy or comfortable, but too scared to make the changes that I was yearning for in my heart.

I don’t remember where I first heard this, but it is a brilliant and illuminating piece of advice for discerning how you really feel.

Ready?

“If it’s not an emphatic HECK YES, then the answer is no.”

Is this the job you want to take? If your answer is something akin to, “Well, it would be a really good experience and the paycheck is great…” I’m not hearing an emphatic HECK YES. I’m hearing…meh, which means no.

Is this a person you want to date, or deepen your relationship with, or stay married to? Overall, do you feel wholly loved by them (or is there that possibility, if the relationship is new)? Do you want the best for them, and do you feel they want the best for you? Do you feel like you can be your ugliest messiest self at times with them, and that’s safe? You’ll have to take a big picture here and not dissect their every action, which might influence your answer.

The only thing that matters is if your heart is really in it.

This is why the HECK YES method is so helpful. If your heart isn’t in it (you didn’t have that emphatic yes, but you decided to proceed anyway), any challenge is going to feel insurmountable or like a major redirection, or like you should have listened to that little voice inside yourself.

If your heart is in it, and you were all-in gung ho about moving forward — despite any challenges or limitations you might have thought up or run into — you’ll have the deep reserve of passion and excitement to carry you through the hard parts. You won’t be tempted to give up at the first road block. And there likely will be hard parts, eventually.

My partner confessed to me that he knew before he married his ex that this was a bad idea. But years invested into the relationship prevented him from calling it off. If only he’d known about this question then.

So the next time you find yourself standing at the precipice of a major life decision — stay or go? Relocate for the new job or relationship? — do this check-in with yourself to see how your heart feels about the prospects. The results will likely be magical.

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Previously Published on medium

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