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I have moved forward a little sense then. And my story is not a complete waste of space.
I spent about 4 months with almost full blown agoraphobia. Well I say almost because I was able to go only to the store and therapy. All other activity was shut down. I sat and tried to heal my mind in the solitude of my prison.
After awhile I decided that if I couldn’t go back to the college I would have to do something else.
If you want something different, do something different.
I reached out to my local Vocational Rehab building and learned of the Peer Support Specialist program. I worked up the nerve to get certified in that which for me at that time was a challenge.
Because it was to two different buildings at two different locations with two different groups of people.
Agoraphobia be damned.
My concerns are the same as everyone’s. Trying to make changes in my life for the better but I would be a liar if I said it did not still bother me. It does makes me think that at any moment someone will pull out a gun or something. That will makes me want to crawl into my room and not leave.
The other positive is that I have recently moved to a different house in the same town. But I am doing more to force myself out of the house. Trying to embrace change and the experiences it has with it.
Never will I be who I was before. And I am glad of that because it has taken a lot of self work to get to who I am now and truthfully it is badass.
I hope that no one reading this can relate to this story. My thoughts seem to dwell on the fact that many will. So know that there are places in every community that will have free therapy.
This is where my end began. Because it was where I started the process of finding the latch key for my cell. With every ounce of my fiber. I hope you are well and find these articles written with love and concern that you never have to make those call or have those thoughts.
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Read more in this series by Brian Cardoza, here.
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Illustration by author. Used with permission.
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