Mom: As a child, I watched you provide creative meals for my sister and myself, while witnessing no food for you. At a time in your life, as a single mother; raising us had to be a struggle but all I saw was your strength and resilience. I can recall our candlelight parties at night, and I felt safe with you because I knew you were our protector, unaware of my ignorance that our electricity was turned off. You smiled and made my day with the many field trips that were taken on our way to school, not realizing there was no money for gas to be placed in our car. Cold nights were never a problem because you kept us warm with hugs and an abundance of blankets. Mom, in my eyes, you are a survivalist, strong and determined. You delivered the tools that were only presented to you, regardless of the wear and tear that were displayed. In fact, those tools became your backbone, it made you relentless and that resilience was embedded into my DNA. Because of you, I am a fighter and will never surrender.
“Mr. Niblett, with your insurance, the total co-pay for your visit will be $289.00.”, says the receptionist for the urologist office. I paused, looking at her dazed and confused, as if she misspoke and meant to say $28.90. I challenged her and the price and stated there is no way that could be my co-pay. I replied, “You are telling me with insurance, I still owe $289.00; for something I already researched, and the doctor told me exactly what Google told me, two weeks prior, verbatim?!”.
I honestly think I stared at the receptionist for 30 seconds, without any words exiting my mouth. The price that the administrator listed felt worse than what the doctor said was happening to my body. I can only imagine what the total cost would have been, had I not had insurance.
Walking out of the elevator, exiting the urologist’s office, I shuffled around people afraid of getting rain on their precious head. I made it to my truck and I sat there. Truck idling, people in two different cars staring at me, wondering if I plan to move out of the parking spot. I do not drive away; I pause for over five minutes. A solid gut punch to my core, my heart is heavy. I jokingly say to myself, “I guess I don’t need to eat this week.”. Thinking about it now, I wonder if the people I walked by assumed I received the worst news imaginable, cancer or some other death sentence. In hindsight, I should have known better, when I spoke with the doctor’s office, prior to my visit. For over 20 minutes, they were gathering medical information, including my insurance information. I asked twice what the copay would be. They were unable to answer that simple question. This to me was an example I was taught as a young adult, “if the price isn’t listed on the menu, don’t order it.”.
If you are like me, you set budgets, monthly, weekly, and even daily budgets. Life is budgeted and I plan based around my monthly bills, insurance, food, emergencies, etc. I am now recalculating my expenses, “Absolutely no ribeye’s and crab legs for this month.”
In all seriousness, what if I could not afford the co-pay, let alone the procedure? Financially, my wife and I are secure, and we are blessed to be debt free and are considering early retirement. But what about the border middle-class, working class or low-income families that would have to choose which bill to pay on time and which utilities would be late? Inflation continues to be a hot topic and the lines at the food banks are long. News outlets discuss the idea that we are heading towards a recession and if so, for how long. My wife asked the same question to me, and my answer was simple and fair, “If a recession were to happen, you and I would not have to worry about sustaining life during a downturn for a period of time.”. However, if you ask another family a few miles down the road, they may currently be dealing with that challenge.
The inflated dollar is a reality today and is hitting numerous households in a very negative way. The truth is that the economist and the Federal Reserve can say no, we are not leaning towards the cliff of a recession, but you are not asking the people with multiple jobs and yet, still are trying to figure out how to feed their family.
A former colleague and I were having an open conversation about his family and their finances. He and his wife, on a weekly basis, wait in line at the foodbank to collect a box of food, in order to feed their family of four. I want you to digest this for a second: the coworker makes 4–5k a month and his wife is military service connected with 100% disability, ($3,000). That is roughly $7,500 a month. Keep digesting: they only have one vehicle, a 2005 Malibu, (which they are making payments on) a mortgage and two kids living in the house. Wait, let me hand you the dessert: he barely has gas in his car because of the overwhelming cost of his utilities and no, there is no transit system in his area that could take him to work. In 2022, based on census.gov and livingcost.org, to survive (check to check) living in Dallas Texas, the monthly median household income (after taxes) would have to be $5,356. The standard “inexpensive” one bedroom apartment would cost you $1,142. Monthly utilities, $350, (if you want a mobile phone with some Wi-Fi). Don’t forget food and transportation, $410.
This guy and his family should be happy and self-sufficient, with their annual income being around $90k, right? Hold on, it is time to make the proper adjustments around your waistline. A survey from Purdue University and gobankingrates.com viewed multiple cities as being emotionally and financially happy. To consider yourself comfortable living in the Dallas area, residents must have an annual income of $113,000. If you are single and accepted a job in Dallas that pays $20/hour and that seems like a lot to you; wake up because you will barely be able to afford a one-bedroom apartment in a not so friendly neighborhood.
Depending on which bubble you are grouped in, you may see life as progressively moving ahead for the better. You and your neighbors are hard workers and feel that all societies should look like your community. This particular bubble has included a few amenities that will suit you: maybe a golf-course, some trails, and maybe even a community center. Attached to this is a standard agreement for your community called a Homeowners Association, (HOA). HOA terms or conditions is defined as an entity that enforces rules for living in a specific community.
As a working class, a city laborer as an example, you have elected to take city transportation, (if it is available) because gas prices have become too high, delinquent for a month or two on a few bills, simply to have food on the table. One can only see or feel the change of others if they are willing to view what’s outside their dome. Is one community truly better off? Should they avoid and/or ignore other communities that may be struggling from a social economic point? If the government says there is no recession, why are housing evictions becoming the norm? A minor discussion in the news followed by the latest in celebrity news.
For the record, I am not suggesting that I/we should take money out of our account and give to others that are struggling. The field of social economic status will never be equal, but the field should allow opportunities for all to reach a better status. When I mentor clients and the discussion is about finances, it is to assist in building them up and not to take from others. I alone would enjoy sharing advice with people that are wanting to do more with their dollar. The conversations are always about creating a better nest for them and their family. If it is about building up their current credit score, or figuring out their bills, the overall goal is to assist and find another steppingstone for them to advance. Can you imagine if our society had this mindset of instead of stepping over people to stay ahead of “them” and instead, share their knowledge to those less fortunate, how would that look?
The term “hand-out” has a negative connotation. It causes people to reject helping others achieve better. Here’s a thought: Inspiring the single parent with multiple jobs to utilize ¼- ½ of one of their paychecks and put it into a high yield savings account or countless other investments. Can we talk to the young men and women that are working minimum wage and have a high school diploma that can’t afford college and tell them there are jobs available that will pay for their college tuition? Are we willing to inspire others to achieve greatness, or do we look in the opposite direction and go along with our lives?
I became a mentor by accident, and it has inspired me to do more. As a consultant, somehow I have been tasked as a mentor to some of my clients. I did not seek this title but when you have similarities and when you see that clients can relate to things you have experienced, you take the mantle and strive not to let them down.
I can recall a conversation with a former colleague who is now my client. He seemed frustrated about something, and I asked if he was ok. He stated that his status, the role of his career was mundane and lacked inspiration. He was at a crossroad and was trying to figure out if there was an alternative for him to pursue. I asked him what he was passionate about and there was silence. So, I rephrased, “What makes you happy?”. His response was that he enjoyed photography and felt he was good at it. He had no college degree and didn’t have enough time to enroll in college, so he decided to ignore his passion and continued to work jobs he did not like.
As we get older in life, we may question the route that was taken in our lives. Were there any alternative routes that could have been chosen, was there an opportunity that you ignored because of uncertainty or fear of rejection, that fear of failure? “What if my hobby was a direction I could have taken and made a career from it?”. Sometimes we choose to turn left at the fork of the road because it appears practical and less challenging. However, electing to make that right turn instead, could lead to a more rewarding future. There may be several bumps in the road and a few setbacks but at the end of the day, you must reevaluate those means and trust the path, trust in your true north direction. Accept fear; it can make you a stronger person.
I would suggest those that are reading this article and are in a good place in their lives mentor someone struggling. A friend, neighbor, a fellow colleague; whomever it is, share your wisdom. You can, we all should be inspiring others to advance to that next level of success. Being at your highest peak can only take you so far before you leave this earth. Why not invest your knowledge in the individual that desires to be a better person?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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