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Have you fallen for a guy who says he’s “confused”? He really likes you and spends time with you, but isn’t sure if he’s ready for a real commitment yet? If you’ve experienced this, you will know that this type of hedging can leave you INCREDIBLY confused. You feel you have something special with him, yet he’s still holding back. You know you can’t live in limbo forever, but you also can’t let go.
When you’re in this situation and you really like someone, their excuse can almost become a romantic challenge as you try to figure out how you can still be together in spite of any obstacles. In today’s video, I show you how to navigate this confusing situation and take back control of the situation.
Transcript provided by YouTube. Slightly edited with AI.
The Challenge
Before we get into the video, I have a big announcement today on April the 13th. I am holding my now-famous 30-day confidence challenge. This is a live coaching experience that kicks off with me on April the 13th for anyone who wants to graduate from just watching me on YouTube to an actual coaching experience that I have created, and it’s free. Join us for the 30 days, build your confidence, go over to mhchallenge.com. You can do it while you’re watching this right now. Just open up a new tab on your browser, type in mhchallenge.com, type your email address in, and I’ll send you all of the information. Did you do it? Great! I can’t wait to see you on the 13th. Now, let’s get on to the video.
Top Excuses
Over 15 years, I’ve been doing this now, and that means that I have heard just about every excuse that has ever been made for why someone isn’t ready for a relationship or why someone can’t give another person what they want. And still, because I have a whole membership called the Love Life Club, I have thousands of members who every month on our live coaching course will, at some point, give me another excuse that someone has given them that they are taking at face value. And there are just so many. What are some of the common ones, Audrey?
Okay, so I can’t be in a relationship because work is so busy. What else? Oh, I like you too much. Okay, I can’t be with you; I just like you too much. What else? Uh, I’m just really confused right now. I was hurt in the past. That’s another one, yeah. I got hurt before, afraid to get hurt again. I don’t want to get hurt again.
The “Confused Guy”
You have a little thing you do, don’t you when you are talking about people that give these excuses that often are about being confused? What is it you say? Well, it’s like, “I’m not the bad guy; I’m just the confused guy,” or like, “Not the bad guy; I’m just the busy guy.” “I’m not the bad guy; I’m just a confused guy.” Like that. No, she hates when I do that. “I’m not the bad guy; I’m just a busy guy. I just gotta be business; I can’t do a bunch of business stuff.” It’s not how it goes. “I’m not the bad guy; I just got my heart broken in the past. Thinking I’m not the bad guy; who’s the bad guy? I’m just the hurt guy. I’m not the bad guy; I just don’t want to take you to Italy, give you a little pasta, a little trip. Maybe she’ll want to marry you. I don’t really, but what’s the problem? I’m not the bad guy; I’m just a confused guy.”
When someone is telling you something that seems to either defy logic completely or just seems to be making life too complicated, instead of trying to work out how to solve their problem, when someone says to you, “I’m too busy,” “I like you too much,” that’s what they’ve concluded. It’s either true or it’s not, but that’s what they’ve concluded. Or they’re just telling you this because it’s easier than being the bad guy. That’s what it’s coming from. We have to be very careful. The number of times I have been coaching someone, and I watched them trying to solve an unsolvable riddle because the problem isn’t even real in the first place. The problem is just something someone created so that they could create an element of confusion while keeping the door open. It was an open loop. It’s a way of saying you don’t go anywhere, but I am going to give you some kind of logic that removes me from the game so that you stop asking for as much. It’s like that person wants to leave the door open for maximum options in the future while monopolizing your attention by making themselves the only person you think about.
Applying Occam’s Razor
Have you got someone in your life right now who’s giving you a kind of convoluted excuse or some intricate reason why they can’t give you what you want? I want you to apply a principle called Occam’s razor, which I have in a book that just happens to be by my feet. Occam’s razor: simpler explanations are more likely to be true than complicated ones. Named after the medieval logician William of Occam, Occam’s razor is a general rule by which we select among competing explanations. Occam wrote that a plurality is not to be posited without necessity. In other words, we should prefer the simplest explanation with the fewest moving parts.
If someone says to you, “I like you too much, and it scares me, and for that reason, I just feel like I can’t go any further,” you have to ask yourself what has to be true for that to be true. Well, this person has to like me so much that they’ve literally decided that this thing that brings them so much joy is not possible, that they have to go in search of someone they like less so that they can be happier. Or you take the view that this person is just saying the easy thing. Which one is more likely to be true? Occam’s razor says it’s obviously someone just saying something that makes their exit easy but not just their exit easy, something that makes their re-entry easy because at any point they can come back, send you a little text, and be like, “I can’t stop thinking of you. Remember when I said I just like you so much, too much? Well, that’s happening to me right now. I like you too much to let you go, but I also like you too much to be with you. I’m a confused guy.” Occam’s razor says that is how come nonsense bollocks. How is it that someone who is selfishly dishing out a logic that they think is palatable to us allows them to remain the hero or at the very least a sympathetic character and allows them to come back in whenever they want? How is it that we can so easily end up believing the things that they’re saying and then trying to solve a problem that’s not real in the first place? Well, if you’re too busy with your job, I don’t know; I would support you. I could always see each other after work. We could see each other in the cracks of time. I feel like we could make it work. I think that that’s trying to solve a problem that’s not real in the first place. Why do we do this?
We Want It to Be True
Because when we really like someone and when we really want to find love and when we feel that there is a glimmer of hope in this situation, we want it to be true. We become a biased judge. We can talk reality in whatever way we have to do it, pretzeling the situation into some form of sense that allows it to be true in our mind. That is where we end up saying something to somebody else, “Well, they said this,” and the friend says, “You believe that? That’s mental.”
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This post was previously published on YouTube.
Blog → https://www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/ Facebook → https://facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussey Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/thematthewh… Twitter → https://twitter.com/matthewhussey ▼ Connect with Stephen ▼ Youtube → https://bit.ly/StephenHusseyYoutube Instagram → http://bit.ly/StephenHusseyIG
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