“You Got This!”
You’ve probably heard people say things like this:
“You got this!”
“Relax, everything will be okay.”
“If you think positively, you’ll attract positive things.”
“Be grateful, instead of focusing on what you don’t have.”
“If you just put more positive energy out into the world, you will be rewarded.”
Yes. We get it. Sure, there are times when a positive outlook can help. But let’s pump the brakes for a minute. For anyone who’s ever suffered from mental illness, you know that it’s not as simple as snapping your fingers and boom! You’re happy. These phrases, although perhaps well-meaning on the part of the speaker, are all great examples of toxic positivity.
What is “Toxic Positivity”?
“Toxic positivity” refers to an outside pressure to remain optimistic or positive about life’s challenges no matter how badly you feel or how negative the circumstances.
While a positive attitude can sometimes and in certain situations help one to get over the hump, “toxic positivity,” the unyielding requirement for positivity at all times, with its false promises of curative powers, is a dangerous mindset and an unhelpful demand to impose on someone.
It can also result in victim blaming: “Oh you didn’t succeed? If only you were more positive.”
As Jennifer Maddox-Byrd, LCSW explains, “toxic positivity sets up a false expectation that instead of feeling uncomfortable emotions you’re supposed to suppress them. When people can’t hold it together and get upset or frustrated, they get criticized by others for not maintaining emotional stability. How can we maintain emotional stability if we’re not allowed to express how we feel?”
Gratitude is Great and All, But, It’s Not Always the Answer
The reality is that sometimes (often?!) in life things suck, and no matter how much you practice gratitude and manifest positivity, it doesn’t make it better. That’s why it’s crucial to acknowledge when you’re feeling depressed or angry.
You’ve likely heard of gratitude lists or journals, but what if there was a place to write down what you can’t stand about life?
Meredith Erin of the Los Angeles lifestyle brand Boredwalk created such a book and called it The Grievance Journal. You can vent your frustrations and it has prompts to help you unload, such as “who’s the worst person you’ve ever dated?”
This anti-gratitude journal is the antithesis of toxic positivity.
Erin says: “When I’m feeling terrible the last thing I want to do is give thanks for having a pulse. What I really want is to complain and that inspired me to design The Grievance Journal.”
The Online Fight Against Toxic Positivity
Meredith isn’t the only one who feels this way. There are many instances online of bloggers and social media accounts dedicated to the fight against toxic positivity.
If you haven’t already, check out the account Unspirational on Instagram. The account is dedicated to anti-gratitude quotes such as:
View this post on Instagram
View this post on Instagram
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Another fave is Ominous Positivity Memes:
View this post on Instagram
How can we push back against toxic positivity!?
The short answer to this question is: by being real.
If you’re feeling depressed, don’t feign happiness.
If you’re frustrated, let it out.
Log your feelings in a journal. Laugh along with us at the accounts on Instagram that put their fingers on this issue and poke back at it. And when someone tries to come at you with the verbal garbage (AKA, toxic positivity), call them out. Tell them how their sentiments are making you feel.
Most importantly, be who you are and share your genuine feelings with those who love and support you.
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Photo Credit: BoredWalk (with permission)
The Author would like to thank The Good Men Project’s Mike Kasdan for his contributions to this fun little article and the folks over at BoredWalk for their inspiration!
