The Heavy Baggage of Adulthood: What Makes It So Difficult

Becoming a grown-up is nearly impossible. I am convinced that most of us have never done it. Throughout human history, I mean.

I am convinced that until now, most have us have gone from being children to parents to corpses all without actually crossing the threshold called “adulting.”

Adulting is so hard. It fucking sucks.

For the purposes of this blog, I am not defining “adult” as a human who is pubescent or as a human who is of voting or drinking age. I am not defining adult as one who lives on their own or supports themselves financially, because most of us who do those things know that we feel just like terrified children who are also holding down a job or paying rent.

For the purposes of this blog, I am defining adult as a human being who is free and clear, brave and utterly self-aware enough to stand on our own two feet and say, “This is my life! It will be what I make it.”

Adulting is fucking hard.

Most of us prefer to stay children.

Children are free to play and are unencumbered by thoughts of the future. Children fundamentally look to others to take care of them, to meet their basic needs. Children tantrum when they are mad and cry when they are hurt. It is great to be a kid.

Lucky children have people who take care of them.

When life is hard or overwhelming, lucky children know the address of the shoulder awaiting their head, that they might lean and take refuge from the storm. Children expect this kind of protection from the world, as they should.

To be an adult is to find another way.

Adults can have loving relationships, of course. In fact, I’d argue that one must be an adult to be ready and fully present in a loving relationship. On some other day, I’ll argue that the very essence of loving relationship is found when two adults, each standing on their own two brave, sturdy feet, face one another in love. There is support out there for adults, but that support is a perk, not a necessity.

I am about to turn forty-five.

I started this new blog today because for me, I am ready, right now, to say that I was this many days old when the thousand, million clicks necessary clacked into place, such that I think I just might be ready to say, “Now, I am an adult.”

Forty — fucking — five…Wow.

I am the mother of two. I am a homeowner twice over. I have two Masters Degrees and have been a CEO. I am here to tell you, the orientation that I had when I was accomplishing each of these goals was that of a child.

Awhile back on Medium, I launched a series called Most Important Lessons. It was made up of letters to my teenage daughter, meant to offer her a type of sexual education that on one hand, seemed to me like it was totally essential if I wanted her to be able to have a healthy and satisfying sex life, and on the other hand, was totally in the realm of the taboo according to the rules of polite modern discourse.

It is the same problem that motivated that series and this blog.

Fundamentally, I believe that even in our ultra-modern 21st century, we stop far short of teaching our offspring the actual skills they need to build healthy, happy and meaningful lives. We teach so many other things, but not these essential things.

This blog is about those skills.

The prerequisites to master every topic in it are resilience and bravery.

The irony is that children are naturally super awesome at resilience and bravery. But, somewhere along the way, on the path between learning to walk, falling down and getting back up again, and getting into college, we get our signals crossed, forget these two fundamental skills and settle into a lifetime of extended, mildly miserable adolescence.

This blog aims to change that.

I can only write it because I am just now waking up myself. Right now. So, no judgement here, only love.

So tell me, how many days old were you when you felt ready to say, “Yes! Now I am an adult.”

Comment and I’ll comment back, because I’m cool like that.

—

This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: iStock.com