Some of the most motivating words ever said to me came from the fathers of my children.
Not because they were inspirational, but because they were drenched in doubt and limitation.
My first husband, the father of my five oldest children, said at the end of our 18-year marriage: “I don’t want to pay you child support because I don’t want to see you traveling around the world on my dime.”
That stung.
But you know what?
I traveled anyway. I’ve been all over this planet, showing my children the richness of life, and I didn’t see a single penny of child support. I took care of my kids, took care of myself, and built a life filled with experiences I knew would shape them.
Then there was the father of my youngest two boys. At one point, he hit me with this gem: “I don’t want the boys getting used to traveling because it’s not realistic. They need to learn that.”
But you know what?
I take them on trips all over the world. Not because I’m trying to prove a point but because I want my children to experience life beyond their backyard. I want them to understand that people, no matter where they’re from, are human and beautiful. I believe travel is one of the greatest teachers of compassion, resilience, and curiosity.
These experiences taught me one hard truth: Our kids don’t give a damn about our excuses. They care about what we show them through our actions.
I’m the mother of seven children and the grandmother of six, and one thing I’ve learned over the years is this — You can talk until you’re blue in the face, but if your actions don’t align with your words, your kids will see right through you.
Parenting isn’t just about teaching our kids how to do laundry, cook a meal, or balance a checkbook. It’s about teaching them how to live. We teach them how to treat others, how to treat themselves, how to handle failure, how to regulate their emotions, and how to love.
If I tell my kids to chase their dreams but they see me shrink back in fear when faced with my own challenges, what lesson am I really teaching them?
If I tell them to save for the future but constantly complain about money, what mindset am I instilling?
Kids are like little sponges. They don’t just listen — they absorb. They absorb the energy, the habits, and the attitudes we carry every single day.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of comfort.
Comfort feels safe.
It feels familiar.
But comfort zones are prisons disguised as safety nets. Nothing grows there but regret. When we live in fear — fear of failing, fear of change, fear of the unknown — we’re modeling that same fear for our kids.
If I had listened to the fear-based advice of my exes, my kids would have missed out on some of the most profound learning experiences of their lives. They wouldn’t know the magic of standing at the foot of a 2000-year-old Redwood or watching the sun rise over the Mayan Ruins. They wouldn’t have learned that people, no matter where they’re from, all have dreams, struggles, and stories.
It’s not just about travel.
It’s about mindset.
When we stay stuck in our patterns, when we refuse to break the cycle of scarcity thinking, we’re teaching our children that life is small, that joy is limited, and that dreams are unrealistic. Is that really the legacy we want to leave them?
We do our kids a disservice when we shield them from failure. Failure builds resilience, grit, and creativity. If we’re always stepping in to solve their problems, they never learn how to solve them on their own. If we hand them everything they want, they never learn the value of hard work or the satisfaction of earning something.
When my kids tell me they’re bored, I don’t rush to entertain them. I let them sit with that boredom because boredom is where creativity is born. It’s in those quiet, empty moments that they learn to build, create, and problem-solve. If we’re constantly handing them solutions, we’re robbing them of the opportunity to develop the skills they need to succeed in life.
The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). That training isn’t just about teaching them how to tie their shoes or say their prayers. It’s about modeling a life of courage, faith, and purpose. It’s about showing them what it looks like to live boldly and authentically.
I’ve always believed that children learn more from what we do than what we say.
If I want my kids to value health, they need to see me making healthy choices.
If I want them to value love and partnership, they need to see me loving and respecting myself and my partner.
If I want them to trust God, they need to see me walking in faith, even when the path is unclear.
That means turning off the screens and being present. It means letting them see me reading a book, meditating, or praying. It means letting them see me cry when I’m hurt and laugh when I’m happy. It means showing them what it looks like to live fully — to embrace the highs and navigate the lows.
Buddhist philosophy teaches us the importance of living in the present moment. When we’re too caught up in our fears or regrets, we’re not fully living. If we want our children to live vibrant, meaningful lives, we need to show them what it looks like to be fully alive.
Every day, we’re writing the story our kids will remember.
Are we writing a story of fear, scarcity, and regret?
Or are we writing a story of courage, abundance, and joy?
When I look at my kids, I don’t want them to remember a mother who played it safe. I want them to remember a mother who took risks, who lived boldly, and who showed them what’s possible. I want them to see that it’s okay to fail, that it’s okay to fall, and that what matters most is getting back up.
If you’re waiting for the “right time” to live the life you want, let me save you some trouble: The right time doesn’t exist. Your kids aren’t waiting for the right time to watch and learn from you. They’re watching now. They’re learning now.
So, ask yourself: What example are you setting?
What story are you writing? Because your kids won’t remember your excuses — they’ll remember the life you showed them was possible.
And that’s not just about them.
It’s about you. It’s about deciding that you’re worth the effort, worth the risk, and worth the life you’ve always dreamed of. If not for yourself, then do it for them. Because they deserve to see what living truly looks like.
If this hit home for you and you’re ready to lead by example, leave a comment or DM me for a FREE Discovery Call. Let’s create a legacy your kids will be proud to follow!
*Image taken at Journey Behind the Falls — Niagra Canada Summer Trip
As always loving you from here,
#traumahealing #traumarecovery #manifestation #manifesting #lawofattraction #traumacoach #lawofattractioncoach #parenting #children #raisingkids #bibleverse #goalsettingforsuccess #empowerment #travel
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Rene’ Schooler(Author)
