I think I was “settling” when I got married.
- The “society” clock. “What is wrong with you? Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”
This is when friends and family made me feel terrible about not having a real relationship since I couldn’t find a guy I wanted to be with.
“You know, no one is perfect.”
“Everyone has trade-offs.”
“It’s all about compromise.”
Exactly how much settling was I willing to do?
Unfortunately, far too much.
- The “mom” clock was in my head. “You need to get married.”
My mother was literally breathing down my neck.
“You are getting too old. You need to settle down.”
No one will want you, whispered again and again inside my brain was the message.
“You’ll get old and ugly.”
“You are missing your chance.”
“Some other lady will snatch him up if you don’t.”
- The “baby” clock. Time was ticking. “You need to have a baby.”
My body was betraying me as I aged. Could I get pregnant? Would I be too late? Would being a mother bring me complete fulfillment as a woman? Never having children seemed like too much of a regret.
And, the outcome was that I sacrificed my happiness for marriage.
The irony is that now I’m sacrificing my marriage for happiness.
This is my journey. Maybe not yours. But I see parallels in so many of us on here.
Until I decided I wouldn’t sacrifice myself anymore.
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