The Mindset Shift That Cured Me of Being a Know-It-All

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Several years ago, I was working with a business coach from South Africa. He ran several successful online businesses, had given a Ted Talk, and was a revered communication and relationship expert. Although he charged a well-deserved $500/hour for his coaching services, we had the arrangement to trade services: I developed and maintained his WordPress projects in exchange for his time.

Working with him forced me to open my mind to new ways of being. Powerful ideas and beliefs fall short when there’s no foundation to make them self-sustaining. For instance, ideas and beliefs provide inspiration, but your way of being determines what you do with it.

My coach taught me many things I’ve found useful, including how to live an authentic life and create the space for listening that supports communication with others. Everything he taught me centered on changing my way of being, not just my actions and reactions in the world. However, the most important shift he caused for me was teaching me to find value in whatever I automatically rejected. First, I had to acknowledge that I was a know-it-all because that’s what was in my way.

A know-it-all has no room to learn.

I wasn’t aware at the time, but I was a know-it-all, and what my coach (and others) said to me didn’t always get through. However, one important message did get through to me and it became my rock. He said the two most dangerous things I could ever say are, “That doesn’t apply to me” and “I already know that.” That’s quite the advice to give to a know-it-all, but ironically I was able to hear him. Probably because my first reaction was, “That doesn’t apply to me” and I immediately saw the conflict.

As a kid, I always had the answers long before anyone else and had no patience to allow others to figure things out on their own. As I grew up, I adopted the belief that I was right about everything, even when I was clueless. People tried to point it out to me but I thought they were wrong. Go figure!

A few weeks into our relationship, my coach asked me to consider some feedback and I immediately rejected all of it. I wasn’t willing to do anything he suggested. I thought his advice didn’t apply to me. I thought my life was different and immune to what he was telling me. That’s when he told me the two most dangerous thoughts to have.

The way my coach finally got through to me was by asking me to “try it on” (his advice) and see if it fits. I didn’t have to accept it or reject it. I could try it on like a jacket, without committing to accepting it. If it didn’t fit, I could take it off. If it fit, then I could deal with it.

I tried on his advice and, much to my surprise, it fit and changed my life for the better. I began moving through life with the idea that there is value in everything and it’s my job to find it.

Learning experts at Thinker Academy see this skill often in top students. They explain, “It’s common to complain that we don’t learn anything useful or relevant in school that the subject matter is just not important, The best students start with the idea that there is some value, and then try to figure out what it is.”

Sharing his wisdom with me wasn’t just advice on how to accept his feedback as a coach; this was the best life advice I’d ever received. I’m still grateful I was able to hear it.

Changing your mind changes your world.

With this approach, I was no longer being controlled by the automatic reaction of rejecting everything without consideration. This new way of being opened up a world of possibility. Suddenly, ideas I would have passed off had practical applications in my life.

For instance, I had always rejected the idea of allowing someone the space to share an upset with me. I’d only listen until they said something I thought was wrong, and then I’d have to correct them. My coach suggested listening to people and getting into their world. Trying it on, I dove in and found deep satisfaction in being fully present with others to the point where I can help make a difference in their lives.
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