Finding Comfort and Happiness in Marriage
When we decide to marry someone, it’s a profound commitment, and it comes with added responsibilities. Building a family is both a joyful and intricate journey and true married life begins after the wedding ceremony.
In recent years, marriage rates have been declining significantly. Many individuals are opting for a single life. Why is this happening? The reasons vary from person to person, but ultimately, it boils down to not finding that one person they want to spend a lifetime with.
In the movie “The End of the Affair,” the writer asks the male lead why he’s still not married at the age of thirty. His response is profound: “Well, I don’t know. I just think, considering that this is a relationship that will last for thirty or even forty years, finding the right person is truly challenging. Regardless of how your own state of mind changes, this will be a part of it, so you must find someone who can accept you in any situation.”
A psychologist once said in an interview that those who remain unmarried can be categorized into two groups. Some are uncertain about the kind of life they want or blindly follow a partner, while others are acutely aware of the type of person they want to be with. However, due to the halo effect, they might miss out on something important.
In summary, it all comes down to timing. Marriage is about finding someone who can accept you in any situation, making the relationship comfortable and liberating.
Maintaining Independence and Individual Focus
Raising children can be a daunting task for many couples. Why is that? One significant reason is that young children lack independence, and many of your demands are ineffective. Most of the time, you are in a situation where communication with them is limited.
Furthermore, young children often lack sustained interests or hobbies and rely on their parents for security. This means that parents can’t have much personal time and must devote all their energy to their children to ensure they don’t become unruly.
Living with someone who lacks independence can be exhausting. In intimate relationships, if you want the experience to be a bit more relaxed, you need to maintain your individual focus. Most importantly, this focus should not disappear when you get married or when other changes occur in your life.
Many people make the mistake of making their family the center of their lives after marriage. While this isn’t inherently wrong, it limits communication between partners. Every day revolves around trivial matters, and although this isn’t necessarily bad, discussing the same topics for an extended period can become tedious.
Especially after marriage, when you already live under the same roof and know each other well, without other interests to balance, your relationship may gradually lose its spark. Being independent allows you to have more personal space and share the burden of each other’s negative emotions.
Mutual Dependence Without Deception
In marriage, the greatest taboo is deception. As soon as this issue arises between you, no matter how strong your relationship is, if it’s not handled properly, there’s a possibility it might end.
Chinese poet Gu Cheng once said, “A thoroughly honest person never faces choices; that path will always be clear and unambiguous before you. This has nothing to do with your aspirations. It’s like being an apple tree, aspiring to grow oranges, but you still honestly bear apples.”
Many people mistakenly believe that if they can rely on each other, occasionally telling a white lie won’t hurt. Others think that as long as they can handle it well and not get caught by their partner, it’s okay.
However, the truth is that if you choose deception, there will come a day when the lie is exposed. A person who is not honest in their approach to relationships will never feel comfortable with their loved ones.
In life, we all face numerous challenges, but having someone you can depend on in this vast world brings immense peace of mind. If you cannot be candid with each other, that healing function will cease to exist.
Avoiding Pressure and Making the Relationship Effortless
Throughout our lives, we are often bound by societal norms. Truly embracing and living life according to your heart’s desires can be both cool and challenging.
If you’re fortunate enough, you may find someone who shares your wavelength, making it easier for both of you to get along. However, as we become extremely familiar with one another, we tend to develop various expectations of our partners, sometimes nitpicking and thinking they’re not perfect.
In reality, no matter how outstanding someone is, they can’t excel in every aspect. We are all ordinary individuals, so why be so demanding?
To have a comfortable intimate relationship, all you need to do is understand the art of compromise. By doing so, everything becomes more accessible, and harmony prevails.
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In conclusion, the most comfortable relationships between married couples are built on mutual acceptance, independence, honesty, and the willingness to adapt. By following these principles, you can ensure that your marriage remains a source of happiness and comfort for years to come.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Kiarash Mansouri on Unsplash
