Ok, I know, another article about the 1 thing on this or the #1 thing on that. We’re inundated by it all the time.
And so forgive me for the clickbait title. But this one really is a game-changer.
Something big that I’ve consistently seen in 15 years of coaching men in relationship that blows apart marriage after marriage when not fulfilled.
It comes out of a story that I’ve seen with many clients, but most recently with a client named Rob.
Rob was a high-powered executive. He kicked ass at work but like many of my clients, he often got his ass kicked at home.
He wondered why the skills that make him so powerful at work – clarity, decisiveness, and persistence – all fall short in marriage.
Rob looks at me desperately and says, “I’ve tried. I’m at my wit’s end. What the f does she want from me?”
Do you ever wonder what your wife needs from you?
Straight up, I see a skewed world of men getting beat up in marriage with their wives. But trust me, for every guy who I talk to, there are 1,000 more unwilling to get help.
The reality is millions of men are struggling in their relationship, so women are struggling too. But I talk to the male side.
Successful career men do well at work because they are masters at transactions – getting things done, clear timelines, right trades, tight projects, and precision stuff.
At home, they bring that transactional mindset and try to solve her problems, try to make her better, and when all else fails he says, “screw it” and retreats or blows up. Or he goes into status quo mode aka apathy.
As a result, he spins – what the hell does she really want from me?
Do you struggle to understand what your wife needs from you?
Maybe you’ve been married for 10, 15 years or longer and you’re thinking – How the hell is it possible that I am where I am?
I had the same questions myself for many years in a 25-year marriage.
What we don’t often realize is it’s not the amount of time we spend with a partner that truly matters. It’s our presence. Our paying attention, which few of us do at home.
Marriage is not so linear like – oh I should know her after 20 years. The reality is if you’ve been married for 20 years, you’ve lived three lives together. That’s right, three cycles of approximately seven years.
She’s become a different person. You’ve become a different person. If you’ve become parents during that time for sure, you’ve become different people. Hell, you’ve had to take care of kids – crazy little humans.
Needs change. She’s changed. You’ve changed. You’re not the same people you married.
What we needed in our 20s is way different than what we need in our 40s or 50s.
So what is that one thing that she needs from you?
I’d be bullshitting you if I knew because I don’t know your specific circumstances but by the very fact that you’re reading this, I have a clear sense that you’re at a bit of a loss.
And to be clear, that doesn’t mean you’re weak or not powerful. In fact, it’s the opposite.
The fact that you’re seeking help and trying to improve your situation means you are willing to acknowledge your struggles, in order to get powerful to create the marriage you want.
So how can I put it out there that there’s one thing that she needs from you?
Well, all of us guys know that most women are emotional. That’s not a bad thing. Even though it’s often described as such.
It’s an amazing thing. It provides richness and fullness to our lives as men. She’s like that flower that brightens up our day at best. The one who brings color to our lives when things are going well.
And the biggest way she brings color to your life is through her emotions.
It’s there that you can give her the one thing that she really needs.
Check out the video below to discover what that one thing is and how to give it to her.
Ok, emotions. Yes, you have to be able to see her emotions. Not just see them but feel them.
And that doesn’t mean taking them on or being responsible for her emotions. No, no.
It means knowing how to identify what her emotions are, like I help you discover in the video above.
And the key to that revolves around the fact that it’s going to be damn hard to know her emotions if you don’t know your own emotions.
Do you want to help your wife get what she needs?
Great. But that can’t come from a place of if she’s happy, then I can be happy. I’m not a fan of “Happy wife, happy life.” That’s a trap. It’s called self-abandonment.
Start making yourself happy first, then you can bring that happiness to her. And still, she might not be happy.
But implementing the tip in the video above is key. Know your emotions to know hers.
That will help you create the marriage you seek to create.
Previously Published on stuartmotola.com