Do you suck at being romantic? Does the thought of romance make you throw up in your mouth just a little? Or maybe you’re banging your head against the wall every time your sweetheart asks you for more romance?
Either way, I’m here to bust that elusive and dirty word and shine some light on how simple it really can be. You don’t have to follow the rules of Hallmark and Hollywood to be a romantic. Everyday things that you haven’t yet thought of can give you the golden ticket to becoming a master of romance.
In my previous article, “Romance: stripping down the dirty word”, I wrote about romance gets a bad rap and how it doesn’t need to be so scary or complicated. I explained how you already are romantic by being connected to the things in life that light you up. When you apply those same techniques to your sweetheart, it will surely melt their heart. It all begins by taking notice of what lights up their life.
Do they like a particular brand of gum, coffee, or wine? Do they have a favorite color or something they collect? Do they travel a lot with luggage or use a briefcase for work?
Taking notice of your sweetheart is the very first rule in being a successful romantic. Consider placing a pack of their favorite gum on the front seat of their car with a post-it note and something written, even if it’s just a heart shape symbol. You could get up a few minutes early and make their morning coffee and bring it to bed, or warm up their shower towel in the dryer on a cold wintery day.
When you pay attention to the little details of what makes someone happy, it’s easy to be considered a romantic and you won’t even have to don a prince charming costume to do it. If you have a medicine cabinet in your bathroom, place a post-it note inside for them to find while they’re getting ready, saying something sweet like “I love you” or “you make me smile.” If your sweetheart takes a briefcase to work or travels with luggage, you can secretly place a souvenir inside. Some ideas could be a tee shirt with your cologne on it, or a picture of the two of you or simply a heart shaped wind up toy. It’s not about the item itself, the point is that the item left behind shows you thought of them and went an extra mile to make them smile.
If your sweetheart is making you dinner in the kitchen, go up and nuzzle in their ear and whisper your appreciation. The fact that you are acknowledging their efforts makes anyone want to do more of it. If you’re the one making dinner, make sure you take a minute to offer a tasting of the meal followed by a kiss. When you sit down to eat, scooch them closer to you and eat with your feet cuddling each other. This displays a sign of assertiveness and affection which will surely have them aroused and curious. When they question, “what’s gotten into you?” you respond with, “I just want to be close to you.” Swoon city.
You should begin to see that romance doesn’t have to break the bank, it doesn’t have to follow consumer marketing and it’s completely doable even for the novice and skeptic. Once you get the hang of it and you have the basics down, it’s time to step it up a notch.
Now pick a day where you can be alone for a few hours and hop in the car for a mystery drive. No need to worry, in this day and age you won’t have to pull out the old Thomas Guide to get home, just turn on your handy-dandy GPS. Get in the car and pick a direction; preferably not on the freeway. You both take turns choosing left, right or forward. Each time you come to a stop and choose a route, the mystery of where this adventure is taking you will begin to build. Maybe you will find a park you never knew existed, a spectacular viewpoint or find the perfect home you’ve always wanted. The point is to have fun and not worry about planning everything in your life, just be spontaneous.
If your life is lacking youthful energy, consider having a picnic in your own back yard, complete with a 99-cent container of bubbles and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (or sub in their favorite foods). How about when you were a kid, do you remember having slumber parties on the floor with gobs of sleeping bags and pillows and watching a movie with theater-style snacks? Just pile up a bunch of blankets and couch cushions against the front of the couch and pop a squat on the floor for a movie night in with a tub of popcorn and old school candy. Extra bonus points if you get your sweetheart to laugh.
And for the pièce de résistance, tell your sweetheart in advance that you want to make a plan to do something together. Be it going out to eat, going for a walk, doing a project in the yard, literally anything. The keywords are “in advance”. When you tell your sweetheart that you want to do something in advance that you want to do something with them, two things inevitably happen. One, they get to look forward to spending quality time with you which makes them excited and that excitement releases endorphins. They will feel desired and wanted, and when they feel wanted, they feel more connected and intimate which could lead to a happy ending for you!
Secondly, it tells them that they are a priority which makes them feel like they can count on you to show up. When your sweetheart can count on you to show up, they feel safe and adored and the heartstrings grow deeper, and you will appear like the knight in shining armor they always dreamt of.
As you begin to build your experience you will come up with more and more ideas all on your own. Just like the Dr. Seuss Christmas wish list that was a mile long, I could give you endless ideas, but I’ll leave the imagination up to you at this point. Remember to slow down, take notice of your sweetheart, and what lights them up. It’s that simple to go from romantic stuck to romantic genius.
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