We’ve all felt lonely from time to time.
We all know what it’s like to feel rejected, invalidated, unattractive, undesired, unloved, and taken advantage of.
Often, we want to externalize blame when we feel this way. We like it when someone tells us that it’s not our fault. We want to blame something outside of our control.
Incels like to blame genetics and women. No secret there. What exactly are the psychological mechanisms that lead them down this path, though?
Dr. K, famous for his “HealthyGamerGG” Youtube channel, breaks it down for us in the following video:
In the video, Dr. K does an excellent job explaining the psychology behind incels.
He explains how incels reinforce their beliefs through echo chambers, how certain areas of their brains activate and deactivate when they engage in debates, and the dangers of forming permanent conclusions from temporary moods.
He explains how they were told to do X, Y, and Z if they want to find success in dating, but how they feel resentful when they still find themselves lonely even after doing everything society told them to do.
I want to talk about something that he doesn’t talk about.
All those X, Y, and Z things are what society told you. They said that you can get the girl if you improve yourself. “If you build it, they will come,” right? The man Dr. K was talking about in the video improved himself in all the ways he’s supposed to:
- He earns 20 times his country’s average salary while working for one of the biggest tech companies in the world.
- He taught himself a second language.
- He lost over 50 pounds in the past year.
- He overcame his anxiety through inner work.
- He developed treasured friendships.
He did everything society told him to do. According to the worldview force-fed to him throughout his entire life, women should be lining up around the block just for a chance to date him.
He’s a total catch. If he were a product on a shelf in the dating market, he would be an excellent-quality product.
But he’s alone. It doesn’t make sense.
The problem?
Marketing.
In any industry, there are countless excellent products that never see a single sale because of insufficient marketing.
Nikola Tesla made a bunch of awesome sh*t, but he died practically penniless. Who took credit for a bunch of his inventions while profiting wildly off them? A great marketer named Thomas Edison.
It’s great to develop yourself into an excellent product for the dating market, but you also need to know how to market yourself.
You need to know how to put your best foot forward. You need to know how to strike an emotional chord.
Steve Jobs knew that listing all of the impressive specs of the next i-whatever wasn’t the key to building hype and making sales. He made audiences actually feel things in his presentations.
Have a high-paying job? Try telling a woman your salary. Then, try telling another woman what you’re truly passionate about and why that’s the reason you live and breathe. No matter how high your salary is, the second woman will most definitely find you more attractive than the first woman will.
You need to know how to make women feel things with how you present yourself.
You also need a reliable lead capture.
Digital marketers collect email addresses through a landing page that gives away a free sample of their offerings. Pickup artists collect phone numbers through cold approaches that give a free sample of some exciting feelings they know how to elicit.
In both cases, conversion rates will be low. Anything higher than 5% will be considered great. 5% is 1 in 20. That means only 1 person out of 20 will say Yes if you’re a good marketer.
You need a reliable way to constantly meet new women, whether it’s through sheer cold approaches, or a community-based approach like I do (links at the bottom). You can’t just “put yourself out there” without a plan and expect things to turn out well.
You need a plan. A good plan that you regularly implement.
Most incels will get rejected just a few times and give up. There certainly are some who got rejected hundreds of times without actually trying any other “marketing” techniques and still fail every single time, but you can see what the problem is by now.
The man that Dr. K talks about has no idea how to do any lead capture or marketing.
Incels will argue that it’s obvious why that man was dumped. “He’s only 5’8″ and that’s way too short to be attractive to any woman! He’s probably ugly, too! It’s never about the marketing! It’s always about the product!”
I’m 5’5″ and I’ve been called ugly before. More than a hundred women have been attracted to me enough to have slept with me. Some of them were models. Is that enough proof to start breaking down your messed up worldview?
I’m poor and short. There’s an argument to be made that I am not a very good product. My marketing in terms of dating, however, is f**king stellar. It’s why I am literally never single.
I regularly meet new women because:
One Simple Habit Helped Me Meet More Women Than Anything Else
How to meet women on autopilot as an introvert.
I know how to make women feel attraction because:
How to Flirt with Women: A Crash Course
The good man’s guide on how to make sure she can feel that “spark” or “chemistry”
And I know that incels can pull their heads out of their asses and do the same thing I did because I used to be one of them:
How an Incel Ended up with Three Girlfriends
Why do boys become incels, and how can they change?
It’s important to understand the psychological perspectives that professionals such as Dr. K offers. Such insight allows you to get your head on straight. Without it, you’re still going to be miserable no matter how many girlfriends you have.
Sometimes, though, all you need is a little push toward the path of actually finding home in the arms of the woman or women you love.
Have you ever met someone who was a “great catch” but had horrible “marketing?” Have you ever been that person yourself? Tell me your experiences in the comments!
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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