Vivacious Vikash sounds like a great name for someone who truly values his ethnicity and thinks that Christopher Columbus created civilization.
However, people would be surprised how many people embody his persona. A lot of what he says, and faces internal conflicts with, is what I’ve heard from countless men in the past (dating or platonic).
Some desi men, nowadays, operate from a place of fear and scarcity mindset. Who can blame them, when you’ve got a fair-skinned, hot girl sitting in front of you (I’m looking at you, Vinesh)?
The View is a new series where I give my perspective on particular things with a small twist. I stopped watching this show after the second season and watched the third for research purposes.
Note: the show was definitely entertaining, and I enjoyed season 3 much more than the first two. However, I kept wondering, is this a show for some laughs or does it really want to showcase the process of arranged marriage? If it’s for the former, I approve.
Note #2: No, I don’t hate South Asian men and families (I’ve written this surrounding my experiences among that circle), however, many of the behaviors and beliefs stem from a scarcity mindset, and lack of consciousness, in our culture.
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When you attack Sima but forget about yourselves.
Sima Aunty definitely has flaws in her approach, but she’s right about one thing, clients are difficult to work with worldwide.
In today’s world of high standards, 60–70% is fairly accurate considering how people aren’t perfect. I would say, the 5 nonnegotiables a woman needs to have, is precisely that of 70%. No one’s really settling in that case, and one would hope to achieve a 100 by having two people who respect each other and are devoted to each other.
When I saw the list that Viral Joshi had, which made my blood boil, I agreed, that asking for what you want is mandatory, but that list was far from it. I liked the guy, Viral Kothari, who kept her on her toes at the furniture store — — it’s a really odd date, and there’s no need to be neurotic. She’s a solid person at heart but has a lot of limiting beliefs.
There’s another reason why she and Aparna are not “boss-babes,” whatever that means. I’m all for a woman being independent, but nothing screams independent about “ovo-lacto-semi-vegetarian.”
An accurate representation of low standards and high expectations.
If I had a dollar for how many desi women I’ve come across that preach high standards but rank the highest for shallowness, I could contribute to my Roth IRA.
The only woman who really knew what standards to list was Priya in season three — — but even then, she didn’t embody them. In fact, I was turned off by how much she valued physical attributes but never admitted it. Attraction can start a little at the beginning, but real strategic women, know that you grow in love (trust the Gottman Institute). Her persona seemed to be of someone that was controlling, rather than assertive. She didn’t articulate a growth mindset the right way, but nonetheless, her list was way better than the rest of the women.
In fact, this show was the thesis we needed to show how the Indian diaspora is successful in their careers, but the least successful in being human. How do you not know yourself?
Now, let’s talk about Aparna. The real criticism I have with her is that she’s marketing something that she doesn’t embody and it’s very clear. How is it women’s empowerment when you don’t have real standards and have a pretense about how modern arranged marriage doesn’t work for career women? I’ve seen many positive examples, so it seemed more like a marketing gimmick rather than something substantial.
South Asian media outlets love to drive the “fiercely independent boss babe initiative “— — but there’s no caliber whatsoever.
All the same media outlets use the same exact words “doesn’t need her other half,” or “fiercely independent,” or “arrogance” or the best one “lowering her demands.” While much of it is true, and I do firmly believe women should have high standards — — why are we using them for the wrong people?
Aparna looks awkward and uncomfortable with herself in front of everyone she meets, I’ve met her in real life. How is that character?
Priya talks about a growth mindset, and yet dismissed every person based on outward appearance and height. Where’s the inner work there?
Did anyone tell these desi women that they’re following white feminism?
The same white feminism that doesn’t factor in how women of color have always worked and contributed? What kind of empire are we building here — if it’s of those who have a stunted worldview — — that empire won’t last.
The worst social media marketing I’ve seen is for Aparna’s book. It seemed like the reason why she was on the show was to earn another side income. When you’re not comfortable in your own skin, what are you trying to empower in another person? I agree, that South Asian women are put down from the smallest ways to the biggest ways, and the consequence of it is that we operate from an aggressive (not assertive) standpoint.
A lot of the men have low self-esteem and the families have no discipline.
If there’s one guy I could give props to, it’s Viral Kothari, the guy who said Jainism was Hinduism on steroids. Another guy who really had character was Arshneel, however, I would find it troublesome that he didn’t know himself too well. I got the vibe that he was testing the waters more but had no idea how to find the reflection of himself in another person (to each their own).
Vinesh was the worst, especially his family. Their excessive lifestyle, and his family laughing for no reason, reminded me of the people in my neighborhood that remind me I live next to Miami Indians. Most people could see that he turned down someone of character for someone who was “fair-skinned and hot.” His outlook was a finance bro that contributed to New York fetish culture, where on every corner, I see brown men with the fair-skinned elite (as I wrote in my Women of Color & Dating series).
Bobby reminded me of someone with a big heart but who needs to work on his self-esteem. It’s very evident that he would be a different person if this was the one thing he worked on.
Vivacious Vikash, was too vivacious for other NRIs.
I saw so many TikToks about this. Many were annoyed at how someone Hindi speaking was a turn-off for them if it came with an Indian accent. While I admit that particular girl was too pretentious with her English, she was very talented, and he was questionable. He’s not a good blend of East and West like he claimed to be (to be honest, I couldn’t tell what he was). You only knew Bollywood — — that’s what every person with a Valley girl accent would say.
If you were hurt by how he handled this, don’t worry, we’ll share our pain in solidarity. The number of times I’ve seen desi men claim on dates, “I’m more American,” or suggest that “I’m too Indian,” is the reason why I wrote this article. Vivacious Vikash triggered us.
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Nandini Saxena
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Jayesh Jalodara on Unsplash
