After writing Men’s Guide To Relationships, I proceedeth to also pen one for ladies. But since I am a man, I refrained from doing so as it’ll be probably controversial.
Therefore, I sought out a writer friend of mine, to share her thoughts. She penned the following as her advice to ladies in or entering a relationship. Especially for the first time.
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By Benedicta Chiwendu.
Whenever the subject of relationships is brought up, I always choose to tread with caution seeing that it is a subject that gives itself to delicate interest.
A major barrier to strong lasting harmonious relationships is the fact that people are different. These differences make it hard for deeper connections. We also have to deal with changes that happen within and around people at different levels of transition.
So in this article, what I aim to achieve is to give you something that will light up your understanding of this matter.
Men complain about women being difficult to understand, and women complain about the complexity of masculinity in men.
On one hand, women tend to see beyond the present moment into the future and when they try to talk about it, a man sees it as fantasy. And will attempt to shake her out into a more realistic frame of mind.
In turn, she perceives him as not being so much into her, and issues begin to arise.
The Do’s and Don’ts of a woman entering a relationship or already in a relationship are simple:
Do not come into a relationship with high expectations.
Now, don’t misunderstand me I am not saying you shouldn’t have expectations in your relationships but they must not be unrealistically high.
Anything you expect should be tied to your own capacity to deliver and not the other person’s because you can only trust yourself to get what you want.
Most ladies enter into a relationship expecting the man to be their go-to person for everything. When she wants to talk, when she hits a rock, her chef, her driver, her sister, her father, etc. This is because we love differently. A woman loves and goes all out for her man. But a man tends to hold himself back until he feels safe enough.
So you’re wondering why isn’t he doing this or doing that. But here’s the thing, while entering into a relationship with a man you should know that even though this man has professed love to you, he’s still not secure. Even though he tells you all the sweet things and you are really into him, he’s still having doubts and second-guessing himself.
What you should focus on in the beginning stages of your relationship is not the grand gestures and high romance. You might not get it. Instead, focus on trying to let him know that you got his back and he’ll never need you and not find you.
Try to dispel the fears and bring him out of doubt.
In summary, let him know he can trust you.
Once a man trusts you, he’ll never want to leave you.
Be bold to be who you are.
As women, we always feel the need to please our partners. Sometimes this could mean not eating meat because he told you he’s vegan even though you love meat.
I’m not trying to ignore the place of sacrifice in love but the issue here would be reciprocity.
Be simple.
Don’t come in trying to please.
Give him a chance to really get to know the real person so that he’ll appreciate the efforts you’d make in pleasing him and that way he could see them as sacrifices on your part.
A woman must have some regard for her reputation.
Don’t hear what he did not say.
This is tricky.
Sometimes women tend to give interpretations to a man’s words and actions. You might have heard a girl say “I thought you love me.”
That is it, you thought! That was your thought, not his.
So do not hear more than he is saying as men tend to say what they mean and mean what they say. Take his words literally. The negative effect of giving your interpretation to words is that he might say “call me if you need anything,” but don’t translate it to “call me every second, every minute, and anyhow.”
Give the relationship time to grow at its own pace.
Don’t misunderstand me, there is you, there is him and there is a relationship. Treat these three things as if they have a life of their own.
The relationship is not you, neither is the relationship, him. So treat the relationship as a third person. Do not impose your choices on it. Don’t make it your show. And do not box it with your experience and expectations.
Just let it grow at its own pace.
Some relationship needs months before the two involved can be madly into each other. Some relationships need a year or more before sex can be great between the two involved. It’s advisable, therefore, to let the relationship grow naturally while playing your role.
In fact, treat it as a child. Understanding that time and patience are needed for growth.
And finally, understand that mistakes can be made. That’s fine. Because correction can also be made.
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If you read to this point, thank you for reading.
Check out this must-read, Research Reveals Why People Ghost.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Zoran Zonde Stojanovski on Unsplash
