These Common Dating Tips Can Backfire And Push Women Away

I tested dozens of dating advice in my early twenties. The internet is filled with them. I got lost in self-help material and couldn’t tell right from wrong. Truth from lies.

It took me about 5–6 years to sober from all the crap. Here are some of my biggest realizations (read all the life lessons I learned in my free ebook here)

1. “Wait a week to call her after a date”

I once heard a girl in the gym tell her friend, “He texted five days after we went out. Like, where have you been?”

Sometimes I wanted to text the girl an hour after the first date since we had fun. However, I held myself back beacuse of some idiotic book I read on Amazon. Gosh.

If you go out with a girl and you’re not into her, all good. Move on, and she’ll get the message.

But if you don’t contact her just to play mind games or because you want to “attract” her, you’re fucking up. You’re acting out of scarcity.

What to do instead:
Trust your instincts and go with the flow. If you mess up, you’ll learn from it. But at least you didn’t act out of fear. Feel free to talk to her whenever the heck you like. Your chances of success will be 10x as long as it’s authentic.

2. “Neg and act aloof”

A pickup artist called Mystery came up with the whole negging idea. These are teasers dressed up as a compliment. Their goal is to show a girl does not phase you. And that’s the problem.

It makes you seem like you’re playing games or like a guy who’s unsure of himself. Other times it’ll come off as a negative comment you made.

And the result is men throw all kinds of crap at women beacuse they aren’t confident in themselves.

Acting a bit aloof a time plays its part. But it should be done with good taste, not because you think you’ll attract someone with this attitude.

What to do instead:
Use a wide range of emotions. Positive, negative, silly and serious. Don’t tease out of nowhere for no reason, or it’ll seem too try-hard.

Get to know the girl you’re with, and the opportunities for a playful tease will come naturally. Don’t look for it.

3. “Use pickup lines and routines”

Back in 2009, pickup lines made sense. “You should think about what to say at home, not at the club!” Sounds reasonable.

The problem is reality doesn’t follow strict rules. Conversations are dynamic. You can have amazing lines on paper, but they’ll be out of context when you say them.

You’re not a comedian. This is not a show you put on for your friends. When you go out, it’s supposed to be fun. Delivering some routines you memorized back home kills the flow.

What to do instead:
Keep it simple. Look for a little way in there. Sometimes I lift my beer and say, “Cheers fellas,” and go from there. I say it with a smile on my face.

People tend to comply with that since the energy is good. From there, I’ll ask questions or use situational comments.

4. “Don’t compliment”

Another piece of advice that’s fear-based. Why wouldn’t you compliment women? They dress nice, wear make-up, go to the gym and more. They want to look good to get hit on.

That’s the entire concept. And men wave it off since they don’t want to seem needy. Listen. Complimenting a woman doesn’t make you low-value. Or needy. Or whatever bullshit you read online.

It simply means she’s sparked your interest. And if you deliver compliments like a normal guy and not some creep, most of the time, girls will love it.

Other times it’ll do nothing, and they’ll say thanks. Still, compliments help you move forward.

What to do instead:
Compliment with honesty. If you like something about a girl, let her know. I’m not saying do it 24/7. Too much of anything is usually bad, and with time you’ll find the right balance. But don’t spare compliments out of fear.

5. “Talk to lots of girls when you go out.”

My early pickup days consisted of hitting on everything that moved. It feels good, and for a while, it helped me learn. But I took it too far.

Guys can approach, show their personality, get some enthusiasm from the girl and go out with her. And then the girl rejects them almost out of nowhere.

They came off as players who don’t give a damn. So the girl brushed them off. No one wants to feel like a number on a scoreboard. I’m down for going out and approaching girls.

However, I never make them feel I need to prove something to myself. I do my best to listen, make them feel appreciated, and help them enjoy the night and have fun. I’m there to give energy and to take some.

What to do instead:
Make it a habit to stick with one girl you like during your night outs. Then give her your undivided attention.

Make her feel like she’s the only girl in the world. If you’re used to jumping from one girl to another, do it as a drill. Put your player ego aside and start making a connection with the girls you talk to.