These quotes are from the film “Her”. This film by Spike Jonze stars Joaquin Phoenix and showcases a relationship between our protagonist and Samantha, an artificial intelligence operating system.
This film and quote came to my mind as soon as I finished reading “The Missing Piece Meets The Big O” by Shel Silverstein. A book that summarised the entire film in just forty pages.
We’re all just missing pieces
The book starts by showing a missing piece that’s trying to find someone to help it move around and travel. A lot of other pieces pass by, some fit and some don’t. They help this missing piece to move around a bit but others can’t. So what does the missing piece do? It starts changing its appearance to attract more pieces. Then it puts a big sign telling everyone that there’s a missing piece here looking for its other half. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work and it scares off the “shy” ones.
The missing piece started feeling horrible. There’s no way it can’t find its other half! That’s when it showed up. A circle rolls up with a place missing. A place where the missing piece would FIT! Exactly like cinderella’s slipper.
They began rolling together and having an amazing time. Everything was going great until something happened. Something that they didn’t expect.
The missing piece started growing and growing to a point where those two could no longer roll together.
“I didn’t know you would grow bigger”
“Me neither,” said the missing piece.
“I can’t be with someone that’s growing, I want to find my missing piece, but it can’t grow any bigger.”
Then it rolled away. Leaving the missing piece once again by itself. Then it waited and waited. Until another one rolled right in front of it. This piece was not like the other ones. It didn’t… miss anything.
“What do you need from me?”
“Nothing” replied the Big O
“I thought you were my other half. Maybe… I’m your other half?”
“No, you’re not. There’s no space where you could fit.”
“That’s too bad, said the missing piece, I hoped I could roll with you…”
“Well, you can’t but maybe you could roll by yourself.”
“There’s no way I can’t, have you even seen what my shape looks like?”
“Have you ever tried?” asked the Big O. “You know shapes can change. I need to roll away now, maybe we’ll meet again another day.”
After the Big O left, the missing piece sat there by itself, all alone once again. More time passed, until one day the missing piece decided to lift itself up. It did! Then it dropped. It was the first time it moved by itself. Again, it lifted itself up, dropped, and kept going, until slowly it began to roll. As it kept rolling its shape was changing. Transforming into a circle, a circle that could finally roll by itself. After a while, it reunited with the Big O and they kept rolling together, side by side.
Growing can sometimes scare our partners
It might not feel right. Maybe it’ll feel like we’re harming our relationship.
But is this what our journey as humans should be like?
Should we compromise our life’s journey just to be with someone that maybe isn’t ready to accompany us along our trip?
Why someone should be scared of our personal development?
My last relationship ended exactly like that. She wasn’t ready to accept the new me. I would spend hours talking with specialists, self-reflecting, and my partner wasn’t ready to see, accept, and appreciate the changes I’d made.
Looking back on it, I’ve realized that I’ve made the best choice. Prioritizing myself and my journey was the best choice. Why? Because at the end of the day, we shouldn’t be looking for someone that completes us. We should find our other half within.
Our goal should not be to depend on another person, instead, it should be to find a partner that is willing to accompany us during our journey. A partner that will be there to share experiences, feel love, build something, and grow together.
But, in order for us to find that person, we need to work on ourselves. We can’t find the right partner if we haven’t experienced relationships with other people, taken the time to see what it’s like to be by ourselves, and invested in reshaping ourselves into someone that’s independent.
Our right partner shouldn’t be the right fit because that means that something is missing.
Why do you need even need your significant other?
After talking to a lot of people I’ve come to the conclusion that people deep inside look for a partner for one simple reason.
To not be alone.
People are scared of being alone. They think being alone is problematic or not viable. I’m here to disagree.
Being alone takes balls. Only a few people in life can appreciate being by themselves. To be more precise, only a few people are not scared of themselves. If you look around you’ll see everyone leading a life where they simply can’t live without other people.
Don’t get me wrong. We need friends, family, and partners in our lives. What we don’t need is to be emotionally dependent on others.
Deep down we’re way more powerful than we think. Our mentality is our strongest weapon and it should not be unattained.
Does compromising for a partner always lead to the right path on your journey of self-discovery?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Charlie Foster on Unsplash