This Is What Keeps You Single Without You Even Knowing It [Video]

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In today’s new video, I not only show you how to identify someone who’s wrong for you, but I also share how to take that leap to start fresh and set your love life on the right path.

Transcript provided by YouTube, edited slightly for clarity. Please forgive any discrepancies with original:

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Steps to Beginning Fresh in Your Love Life

Are you sick and tired of the way that your love life is going? Do you feel like you keep saying yes to the wrong people? Do you feel like you’re tired of going on dates where you don’t actually get what you want or you don’t actually feel what you want to feel, but you’re stuck in this comfortable loop that seems to be never-ending?

One of the hardest things I watch is people get stuck in their love lives because they keep saying yes to the wrong things. The wrong thing doesn’t just have to be someone who’s treating you badly; it can be someone you’re not that excited about, someone that every time you go on a date with, you come home feeling like, “I kind of just regret how I spent that time because I found out the exact same thing I found out the last time I saw this person, which is that I’m not that interested.”

We get stuck in these comfortable loops in our love life that never really allow us to progress and find the thing we’re really looking for. But it’s attractive because it’s within reach, and it’s comfortable. If you’re sick and tired of this cycle, and it’s not making you happy, this video is going to give you three steps to beginning fresh in your love life on the right path.

Step 1: How Do I Feel in Their Company?

Ask yourself, how did I feel the last two times I left this person’s company? Have you ever had someone in your life, whether they’re a romantic interest or a friend, where, on paper, you had a friendship or you had a romance?

On paper, it should have been good, but every time you met up with that person, you left feeling depleted, you left feeling insecure, or drained, or judged, or just worse about yourself. And maybe you couldn’t even put your finger on why, but there was something about this person’s energy that didn’t fill you up, it took from you.

The truth is that sometimes we feel these things and we don’t even tap into that, we don’t tune into ourselves and realize that this is how this person makes us feel. And so we sort of unconsciously get into a pattern of saying yes the next time they ask us to hang out, we go, “Yeah, sure,” because on paper it seems good. But we haven’t checked in with ourselves and asked, “How do I feel every time I see this person?”

This is the test I want you to do – ask yourself, “How did I feel the last two times I left this person’s company?” And if you don’t know, fine, see them one more time. But after that, really conscious, and during the time you’re with them, really consciously think about, “How do I feel in this person’s presence? How do I feel when I leave?” And if the answer is, “I don’t feel good. I feel anxious. I feel it’s taken something from me. I feel worse off. They only ever leave me worse than they found me,” then it’s time to start saying no to that person so that you can say yes to the unknown.

Step 2: Resolve to Play the Long Game

Play the long game in love, not the short game. I want you to recognize that our unwillingness to say no to what is within reach is a reflection, in large part, of our fear of being alone. We are scared that if we say no to this, it’s almost like, “What else would I do? There’s nothing else going on right now.” It’s almost easier, isn’t it?

If three people are asking you if you want to do something tonight, and two of them are dates that you don’t really enjoy being around, and one of them is someone you’re really excited with, you can say yes to the one you’re really excited with.

But if one person asks us to do something this week, even if it’s not right for us, we’re in danger of saying yes because doing nothing seems worse.

But nothing isn’t worse.

I want you to think, in your love life from now on, in terms of the long game. That I am playing a long game here of finding something that is right for me, finding something truly fulfilling, building something that is stable and sturdy and can endure the test of time. Saying yes to things that take up our time, our energy, our focus, is delaying us being able to find that.

Being single isn’t the time-waster, dating the wrong people, knowing that they’re the wrong people, that’s the time-waster. That’s a short game, right? The comfort game is a short game. “I’m just gonna go for this person because they’re there. Oh, I’m just gonna say yes to them this Friday because there’s no one else in my life right now, so I may as well say yes until someone else comes along.”

That’s the short game.

But the short game is slower; the long game is faster. And, by the way, when we say, “I’m just gonna do this until,” even though it’s not making me feel good, even though I don’t really like these people that much, even though this person doesn’t want the same thing as me, I’m just gonna do it until someone better comes along. That is the fallacy. There is no “until.”

While you’re still doing this thing, the next person can’t find you when you’re wrapped up in something else. And think about it for a moment. Think of it logically. That Friday night that you’re going to go and see that person, if you don’t go and see that person this Friday, that’s a Friday that’s open now.

That’s either a Friday that’s open for your own personal growth, which might be something you do at home. You might just do something that makes you feel good or something that makes you feel grounded and centered and conscious of your moves in life and what you do.

Or you might go out and meet someone else. Or you might hang out with a friend and strengthen a relationship that leads you to more events and rooms and places where you could meet other people. But nothing can come from that Friday where you spend it with someone who’s not right for you.

Not only that, but by spending that Friday with that person, you’ve sort of satiated yourself just a little bit. You’ve taken that hunger away. “I’ve now got some connection this week, so I don’t feel driven to go find it somewhere else.” Instead of saying to ourselves, “I’m just gonna entertain this person until the right person comes along,” we have to say, “The right person doesn’t come along until I’m willing to give this up.” The right person is a reward for letting go of the wrong person.

Stop settling for what’s within reach just because you fear being alone. Playing the long game in love means setting high standards for yourself and your relationships. Don’t fall for the fallacy of thinking you’ll just do something until something better comes along. Embrace being single as a time for personal growth and don’t waste it on dating the wrong people. Saying no to the wrong things opens the door to saying yes to the unknown and finding something truly fulfilling.

Step 3: When You Do Let Go of Comfort, Expect Internal Tension

It’s scary to say no to something when it doesn’t feel like there’s a safety net. Right? In a sense, the people, the friends that we already have, or the lover that’s in front of us, the person that doesn’t want the same thing as us but they’re asking us out tonight, that is the safety net.

Letting go of what’s comfortable can be scary, as it leaves you feeling vulnerable without a safety net. However, remember that there’s a world full of potential connections out there. Embrace the idea of creating new stories in your life and be open to change. Stepping out of your current pattern and trying something new is the key to finding a more fulfilling love life.

In conclusion, starting fresh in your love life requires being honest with yourself, setting higher standards, and being open to change. Don’t settle for the familiar if it’s not making you happy. Let go of what’s holding you back and take a leap of faith into the unknown. You’ll be surprised at the amazing possibilities that await you.

Finally, if you want more guidance on dating with results, consider joining my free 90-minute live event called “Dating with Results.” This event will provide valuable insights and strategies to transform your love life and set you on a new path towards finding true happiness and connection. Register for free at datingwithresults.com and let’s embark on this journey together. Thank you for watching this video.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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