This Stand-Up Comedian Gets Stood Up On a Date. What Went Wrong?

Nope, not this 👆 guy.

It was Jonathan does comedy who got stood up.

In his reel, he was sharing his dating experience of being stood up by his date. It had been thirty minutes into the night and his date didn’t turn up.

She was someone he had been “talking to” for two weeks, trying to get to know what she likes, what she doesn’t like. He was “trying to be a gentleman”. He picked a restaurant, decided the date and time with her. He bought her flowers.

And yet, she didn’t show up. What a disappointment!

All this human wants, just like any other reasonable single person is to be with someone and feel loved. He wants someone to grow with, have a family with. He wants to be a husband and a father.

In this story, I’m going to break it down for you guys (and girls) who are interesting in being in a committed relationship. I’ll talk about two things — what went wrong, and what you can (and should) do differently. Really!

Ready? Buckle up! 🎢 This one’s gonna be rough!

What’s Wrong With What He Did

As you read, ask some of these questions to yourself and reflect on your dating journey if, like him, you’ve been disappointed too.

Where are you meeting your potential dates?
What’s on your dating profile — literally? What photos? Blurb? Interests?
What do you mean when you say you’re talking to someone? Is it texting? What’s your means of communication with the other person?
What are you actually doing on your first few dates with this person?
Are you buying flowers for people you don’t even know and haven’t met yet?
Do you like yourself or are you looking to impress the girl/guy?
Do you have a personality and confidence?
Do you have clarity about your dating journey? What’s your purpose of putting yourself out there?

After watching this reel, these are my answers to his question at the end about what he did wrong. And this applies to anyone who finds themselves in Jonathan’s shoes whether you’re a man or a woman.

Why did he buy flowers for someone he has never met? Buying flowers doesn’t make you a gentleman even though it may seem like a sweet gesture. She’s not his wife or girlfriend yet. (If you’re a woman and you bought an outfit specifically for a date night, why?)
Has he always been going on coffee/dinner dates?
Does he realize that he’s only going to meet a certain type of people if he keeps doing what he’s doing?
He looks overweight. Does he have a medical condition or does he not take care of his health. Which one is it?
Why was he trying so hard to impress someone he didn’t even know? Isn’t the point of meeting someone to get to know them?

What He Can (And You Should) Do Differently

First and foremost, for the love of god, stop going on coffee/dinner and drinking dates. You are human and you came with eyes, a mind and brain. Open your eyes, and your mind. Use your brain.

Stop doing the same things because you will only get the same results about which you’re going to complain. SMH! There is a name for this behavior. It’s called stupidity. A mistake often repeated is a behavior for which you are solely responsible.

Say this to yourself. It. Doesn’t. Work. You can’t afford to continue being dumb. So it’s time to smarten up, butter cup.

It’s time to approach dating differently. Try something else. Try it long enough to see if it works or not. Which brings me to my second point.

Point #2. You want to start thinking relationships as opposed to dating. No matter what others around you are doing, and seeming like they are having all the fun in the world, you are not to compare your journey with anyone.

Let me make it more specific. Focus on finding a friend. See if you still have the ability to make friends with the same sex. Then try making friendship with the person of the opposite sex.

Thirdly, if you have kept your conversations on texting then it’s time to wake the hell up and read this. Texting is a brilliant way to begin your crippling communication journey on a broken leg. It lacks any level of intimacy. You and the person you’re texting are hiding behind a screen. It’s called cowardice.

Do it the old school way. Ask for the girl’s number. Call her. And if she’s incapable of having a conversation the old school way, move on and find someone who does.

Point #4. Stay focused on doing what you can do to help yourself. That doesn’t mean you stop asking for what you want. By all means, ask other people you know to introduce you to potential friends. But continue doing your bit to help yourself.

Nothing worthwhile is going to be easy. Let me repeat that for the ones who didn’t get it. Nothing worthwhile is easy. If it were easy, you would have done it already. The funny thing about humans is that you value the things that you work hard for. That’s why it’s worth the hard work.

You need to be emotionally invested in you to understand what it takes to be there for others. God doesn’t help idiots. God helps those who help themselves.

Point #5. Take full responsibility for your behavior. When it comes to doing things with people you are meeting online, you have to go against the norm — wining and dining are not activities. They are consumption habits. And just because this has been done for the longest time doesn’t mean it works. If romantic Hollywood movie scenes have brainwashed you, then you need to wash your brain. In the old times, people were courting. They weren’t going on alternate dates with every new Tom, Dick, and Harry or Mary, Sally and Jane in town.

Sitting around stuffing your face while getting to know a new person? How much effort did you put into your first date? Did you go out to buy a new outfit and dress to the nines just to go to some fancy restaurant to meet a complete stranger? Who are you kidding? There is reason why you’re single despite going on tons of one-off dates. Use your head. Think!

When you meet new people, the whole point of meeting them is to get to know them. Show interest in them. Do activities with them. Play a sport or go biking together. Do the things you did when you were in school.

If your behaviors have not helped you find yourself a significant someone, you need to change your habits.

Stop. Think. If you want to find a woman to marry, look for one who is at peace with herself. Keep that as your focus. The rest of them are allover the place.

Embrace Biology To Understand Humans

Understanding men: Men are simple. They are easy to understand. They have one main hormone coursing through their body — testosterone. Men have a 24-hour cycle.

Understanding women: Women are complex. They have three hormones — estrogen, progesterone, and a tiny bit of testosterone for right decision making at ovulation — a.k.a who she opens her legs to. It’s the fluctuations in estrogen and progesterone that affect women’s mood and productivity. Women have a 28-day cycle on average.

Accept that men and women are different. Know how these hormones affect the body, mood and behavior. Understanding yourself helps you understand the world around you. Drop the people who are fighting biology like hot potatoes. Focus on the ones who work with their bodies.

Understand the woman on a birth-control pill. Since the pill affects her hormones, it affects her dating behavior and influences how she selects her mate — you! If you get with a woman on a pill, (yeah, I know it feels good without a condom), and decide to marry and have children, the chances that she “falls out of love with you” is high. Once she’s off the pill because you’re trying to have a baby, she will behave differently.

Be vary of giving in to short-term pleasures because choosing the wrong person costs mentally, emotionally and financially. Get real. Get serious.

Final Words

Finding that special someone should be a priority if you are family-oriented. Your actions need to align with your words.

It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be worth it. You have to believe that you are worthy of love, including your own love.

Respect yourself, take care of your body and mind, and only court people who share your values. If you don’t know your top five values, then find out by reading Chapter 7 in my book WIRED FOR SELF-LOVE.

Answer those questions. Be honest. Dare to be honest with yourself. Because I trust you are looking for an honest person to join you in this journey we call life.

You’re welcome.

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Fun Facts About Me & My Boo You May Want Know?

We (Todd Raphael& I) are a dating app success story on the surface. Our journey, once we stepped outside the apps, took a very different turn. We talk about it all on my podcast and here on Medium.

For more thought provoking and unconventional dating and relationship advice, join my mailing list here and receive a free relationship checklist.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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