Love… our inherent need after satisfying food, clothing and shelter.
We search for it in so many persons and places at times, mistaking interest or passion at the moment for true love.
True love, a term that seems at times to have evolved from fairy tale and can appear to be so unattainable.
Yet, it is possible to find someone who you truly love and loves you. There are many discussions on having compatibility, similar interest and a host of other things. While these are all important, to experience and give love requires one to expose one self. Expose not in the physical sense, but the emotional sense of allowing one to be vulnerable.
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It is only in vulnerability, one can share, what you can offer a partner and what you need. If love is to be true…then it has to be real. Hiding behind the facades of what you expect and hope but never say, ultimately leads to frustration on both your end and that of your partner.
Yet though the word is easy to state, it is no way easy to be vulnerable.
The word itself connotates a sense of exposure, and who really wants to expose yourself emotionally and psychologically to a person without truly knowing how they will respond?
Yet if there is any chance of experiencing love, it requires one to do so.
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It is hard, really hard, as no one, wants or knows at times how to unmask.
We have been taught to hide our joys, fears, passions, buried dreams, hurts, childhood memories and the list could go on. Yet how can you know someone only on a superficial level to build a lasting relationship (if that is what you want).
When I got married, I chose to be real with my then spouse. I shared with him as I would with a best friend and the very things shared was eventually used to wound me as we went through the divorce.
I didn’t realize how many walls I have additionally surrounded myself since then. Yet recently a dear friend of mine, pointed out the need for me to share not just from the mind, but also the heart. You see I learnt to protect my heart, as I am sure you would do also.
After all, who wants to expose themselves — be vulnerable and have your heart broken!
In recent times I recognize that if I want to experience true love, I have to be willing, you have to be willing, to open your heart to such.
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Why though is vulnerability so hard for persons looking for a partner?
It requires you to share from the heart
This is the hardest thing to do — sharing from the heart, as it allows another person to know and understand you in a way that they wouldn’t otherwise.
Trust
To be vulnerable, one needs to know that what is shared will be protected by the person with whom you share it with and not take advantage of you.
Expressing needs
Vulnerability at the core expresses our needs. We as a society are not encouraged to express this. Think about if you have ever lost someone, at the funeral, you are encouraged not to cry! When the very thing you want to do..no the only thing you want to do is cry!
Yes vulnerability is hard.. really hard, yet if you have found the person who is right for you. Then here’s the thing..you really need to be vulnerable with them. It’s not enough to show them the mask worn as you interact in society, you have to show them the person who you are, when you are by yourself.
Should you share your vulnerabilities as soon as you meet someone, you may ask? Of course not, yet as you get to know someone you would know whether the person is right for you — 7 Signs You Have Found The Partner Who Is Right For YOU.
When you know you have..then if it is a lasting relationship you want.. each partner must remove the mask that they wear in public and allow yourself to get to know each other. It’s the only way to experience true love…after all, don’t you want to truly know your partner?
So the next time you hesitate to share how you feel, think that the only way to build a deep and meaningful relationship is by being truly you…being vulnerable..
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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