Am I Too Fat to Date?

Hey Wendy,

I am not at my ideal weight. I want to know where the line is because I don’t feel sexy, so I don’t date or pick up on cues from men. I want a relationship. Any tips?

Anna N.

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Hey Anna,

“Look, with my luck, I will starve myself, work out, reach my ideal weight, and then the next day get hit by a bus.”

Do you want to know who said that?

Drew Barrymore — in her 30s.

Never, have I met a woman who thought she’d reached her “perfect” weight or shape.

Ever.

Do you believe your sexiness is tied to the number sewn into the back of your sweater? You’re not alone.

We’ve had it hammered into us that there’s only one kind of sexy: skinny, voluptuous breasts n’ booty, and feathery white wings shooting off your shoulder blades as you strut down the runway in slinky lingerie.

Our society has lost its ability to distinguish reality from fantasy, and there’s very little room for anything other than that one unattainable-to-the-masses shape. What happened to diversity?

But here’s some good news: most men don’t buy into this garbage.

They know what sexy is, and it’s not the airbrushing on the page of a magazine — it’s the living, breathing, moving, REAL body you have right now.

Every day, they’re drinking up your beautiful shape. (Yes, I’m talking to you.)

You don’t notice because…

you don’t believe it, and

2. they’re doing it in stealth mode; they don’t want to get busted by you or have you think they’re creepy.

But boy, they sure wish you could see your beauty through their eyes.

Their view of you is so much more delicious and empowering than your inner critic’s thoughts about what you look like.

My advice?

• Date now. Don’t wait. You might think that your perfect man will only be attracted to you when you’re at your ideal weight, but that’s a trap.
• Choose movement that makes you happy. What have you always wanted to try? Ballet class? Salsa? Biking? Get creative. I play on stripper poles and walk the hills and trails of the San Francisco Bay Area; no utilitarian gym for me.
• Pick your food by asking yourself a different question. We’re used to asking ourselves, “What do I want?” Instead, ask yourself, “After my meal is done, what will I be glad I ate?”
• See your body the way tons of men see your body (i.e. “Dang.”)
• Love your body, right this second, now. Appreciate the formidable presence that has gotten you where you are today. Have gratitude for all your body has done for you.
• Try swaying your hips when you walk.
• Nurture yourself by putting on lotion in front of a full-length mirror after your shower, then wear something you find pretty.
• Look around to see who’s checking you out.

Embrace your beautiful body – it’s where you live.

. . . .

Wendy Newman is the author of 121 First Dates. She’s a dating, sex, and relationship expert who’s led hundreds of workshops and revolutionized the lives of over 78,000+ women internationally.

If you’re a single woman wondering where you might meet your love IRL once this shitshow of a pandemic is over, grab this free audio gift from Wendy.

You can send a question to the column via email: [email protected]

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Previously Published on medium

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