TOP 10 Hard Rules for Having an Affair

These are the top 10 hard rules of having an affair.

1. It’s an affair.

Don’t expect them to run away with you.
Don’t get your hopes up.

Life has a way of thwarting dreams.

2. Don’t expect them to tell you the truth.

If they lie to their spouse, they will also lie to you. This game isn’t for the weak of heart. You gotta sift out lies on top of more lies. No one is telling the truth in adultery land.

3. They can ghost you without reason at any time.

One of the saddest parts of this “lifestyle” is the sudden loss.
“He’s not responding.”
“She deleted her account.”
“I haven’t heard from them.”

You won’t know what you did wrong. Maybe you did nothing at all. A close call with a suspicious spouse put them over the edge. Having the affair “rug” being pulled out from under you is a constant threat.

4. Don’t put in more time and energy than they are willing to match.

Effort equals reward.

Do not give more than they do. That’s a recipe for misery right there. Cheating is like any other relationship in some ways. You need to keep an eye on the bigger picture — your self-worth.

5. Be ready to LOSE EVERYTHING.

You are only one open laptop away or one not-so-secret text message from splitting half of your assets.

Only take the risk knowing the repercussions.

You have to be able to stomach the worst-case scenario — divorce. Don’t start cheating if you can’t see yourself leaving and starting over.

6. You may become a victim of violence.

The only thing worse than losing half of your shit is losing your life. Cheating has a way of bringing out the worst in everyone.

Fuck around and pay the ultimate price. Don’t Google “Crimes of Passion.” Mix anger and betrayal and see what happens.

It’s one of the terriblest risks of this dangerous game.

7. Never cheat on someone who has less to lose than you do.

Seems pretty damn simple.

Single people? Nope.
Underlings? Nope.
Unstable? Nope.

Make the playing field as equal as possible in adultery.
Both should be married.
Both should have similar home lives.
Money, status, lifestyle, etc., should be about equal.

The bottom line is BOTH people should have a “shit ton” to lose. It makes going nuclear nearly improbable. Mutually Assured Destruction or MAD is the name of the game.

8. Treat each other with respect.

They are not disposable.

Be compassionate with your affair partner, or they will lash out and harm you. The golden rule applies to all of us, even us lowly cheaters.

Affairs end. And when they do, be gentle. It’s one of the ways to show the tiny bit of humanity you have left.

9. Do NOT rely on someone else for your happiness.

An affair partner is not your savior.

They are a person like any other person — whether or not they live up to your expectations. They aren’t responsible for making you “happy.”

Your happiness and well-being reside with you alone. No one else.

My affair was the exception, not the rule. I’m amazed I got away with cheating for so damn long and I found my soulmate (which makes me want to throw up when I type it out since it sounds so trite). Every day, I wonder how I got so lucky. Ha! Even a cynic like me deserves love.

Most affairs do not end well.

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