Toxic People Destroy Their Lives in These 5 Stupid Ways

Toxic people’s worst punishment is their lives and who they are.

They betray, manipulate, and hurt themselves more than they hurt others (or at least in the same way). So, they’re not happier or more confident or better.

In this article, we will cover 5 practical ways in which toxic people screw up their lives and betray themselves. They will help you remember who they really are. But more importantly, they will help you remember who you are and how strong you are.

That said, I would like to leave my regular caveat when writing such articles.

Don’t use this information to judge people.
Look for more than one sign.
Make sure there’s actually a pattern.
Resist that desire to call everyone you don’t like toxic because it won’t heal you — it’ll only make you more resentful.

Let’s get into it. Here are 5 ways toxic people betray themselves and screw up their lives. Don’t be fooled by the facade they project. Pay attention to these things instead.

(Note: the sad part about this article is that the toxic people are the ones who need it the most. But they’re the ones who won’t read it. Life’s ironies, I guess!).

I will explain the first point in more detail and the rest briefly. That’s because if you understand the first one, everything will make sense faster and easier.

#1 Destroying the very thing that can redeem them

By lying to others and themselves, they destroy their ability to self-reflect, develop self-awareness, or trust themselves. They destroy their ability to repent.

Making mistakes in life is inevitable. Screwing up is a part of the process. Acting in shitty ways is often a part of the healing journey. How is that even possible? One word: redemption. Let me explain.

When you lie, a voice in your head tells you that you’re lying. Call it conscience if you want.

When you’re doing something shitty, an annoying voice in your head tells you that you shouldn’t be doing it. Your conscience stings you and makes you self-aware of what you’re doing.

You’re aware, at some level, when you’re screwing up your life of the fact that you’re screwing up your life. The same voice keeps voicing its concern, regardless of your excuses.

And after lying, doing something bad, or screwing up your life, the same voice comes will tell you that what you did was wrong. It’s called remorse. Guilt. And it should lead to repentance.

This is true for almost all humans (including those you regard as toxic). And it’s the very thing that can redeem us and help us get back on the right track. It’s how we grow and turn mistakes into growth opportunities. It’s how we find our way back home when we get lost.

However, the more we ignore this voice, the weaker it becomes. The weaker it becomes, the less we can recognize it. The less we’re able to recognize it, the less we can make things better, and the deeper we sink into darkness and toxicity.

Weakening this voice can be worse than any mistake you ever make. And this is the true path of toxicity.

Toxic people become truly toxic by weakening this voice until they kill it. In other words, they destroy the very thing that can redeem them. Imagine how sad and fucked up that is.

Precisely, 2 things happen.

They lie so much that they cannot trust themselves anymore.
They weaken the voice of their conscience until it stops talking to them (or it stops being functional).

This is not something that happens overnight. But the more someone chooses to ignore these voices, the more likely they will end up in shithole.

#2 Manipulating others

It destroys trust, leaves a trail of failed relationships, and keeps them lonely (and empty).

Here’s what happens when someone lies to people, manipulates them, and uses them for personal gratification. They leave. Or you leave after you realize you can’t get anything more from them.

This is one of the reasons narcissists and psychopaths have to have new victims. Eventually, people get sick of the games and the manipulation. They finally see the reality. Trust is shattered, and the relationship is destroyed.

The other scenario is when the narcissist/psychopath gets bored with their victim. There’s nothing more to get. So, they discard them and move to the next one.

If you can’t tell yet, this is not a healthy way to develop relationships. By betraying others, toxic people actually betray their future selves. That’s because their future self will be alone and untrustworthy.

By treating others as objects, they also treat themselves as dispensable objects. What defines “an object” more than someone who jumps from one relationship to the other?

In the long run, especially as they grow older, toxic people get lonely, have fewer people who trust them and suffer emotionally.

#3 Investing energy in the wrong places

Toxic people give too many fucks about trivial things like what everyone thinks of them and how to win trivial “battles.”

They waste a lot of energy trying to impress others, manipulate them, keep up with the lies, and deal with the unnecessary drama they create. This is a lot of energy. And it is channeled in the wrong direction.

Obviously, when someone spends their energy in the wrong places, they end up in the wrong places. Because they’re emotionally immature, they focus on trivial things, which, in turn, make them more emotionally immature.

So, they never get to develop enough emotional maturity because their energy isn’t spent in that direction. And emotional maturity is one of the things that govern so many important life areas and skills like:

(Fulfilling) Intimate relationships.
(Effective) Communication skills.
Conflict resolution skills.
Ability to reflect.
Taking responsibility for one’s shit.

And more. Now imagine spending your energy working on the opposite of these things. You will definitely end up in a worse place.

Let us talk about one of the dangerous things toxic people spend a lot of energy doing . . .

#4 Bad karma

Whether you believe in “karma” or not, everyone pays for every little thing they do. And if most of what you do to others is negative, guess what?

I believe the worst karma ever is . . .

#5 Believing their own justifications and becoming proud of their toxicity

The last stage is when toxic people think they’re actually doing well in life and see nothing wrong in their actions. Their worst punishment is when they’re (wilfully) blinded to the fact that they’re screwing up and when they start believing their own justifications.

What happens when someone believes their own lies and justifications? They corrupt their soul. This sounds like a spiritual statement, but what it means is simple. They become the worst version of themselves, and they enjoy that.

They become blinded (wilfully) to their toxicity. Even worse, they become proud of their shortcomings. Remorse, guilt, and conscience are nowhere to be found (the very things that can redeem them).

This is the last stage, and it’s the most dangerous one. If someone is at this stage, leave. Stay away. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

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I hope this was helpful

If you enjoyed reading this, Get free 12 practical tips on how to:

Deal with toxic people,
develop emotional immunity against them,
Let them go once and forever.
Become their worst nightmare ever.

Also, check my books on Amazon.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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