Trans Man Breaks Free From Evangelical Cult and Finds Supportive Community. [Video]

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Andy grew up in an evangelical cult in Florida, wherein women were silenced and men held authority. Never identifying as a girl, Andy nevertheless learned from their religion that it was better to be dead than to be trans. After prayer and dangerous suicidal ideations, Andy eventually mustered the courage to come out to a friend, whose non-chalance and welcoming response taught him that he could find acceptance outside the cult. Realizing his family and church were not a safe space for him, Andy ultimately made the decision to move to New York City, where he was able to live openly and be celebrated for who he is.

Transcript provided by YouTube:

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[Music]
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foreign
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Ty and I’m from Tallahassee Florida so I
0:09
was raised in an Evangelical cult I
0:12
didn’t realize that at the time I
0:13
thought this was a normal church and
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normal religious things going on there
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were all of these rules that were along
0:18
the lines of women weren’t allowed to
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speak about religion in front of men
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like women weren’t allowed to teach men
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men were always prioritized as the head
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of the household and had a level of
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authority and sometimes like ownership
0:31
over women in the community and to me it
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was very obvious that like yeah no
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nobody would want to be a woman it was
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not obvious to me that some people do
0:40
want to be women and that me so
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intensely not identifying as a woman was
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actually a sign of me being trans and
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not just being in a patriarchal cult I
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wanted to be good at being a girl
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because it seemed like that was what God
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wanted and like frankly my number one
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was like how do I make God happy so I
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asked my parents I asked other people in
1:01
my religious community
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um
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like what does God think about being
1:05
trans and their answer was pretty much
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like
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God does not approve of you
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transitioning and so it was clear to me
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that that would not be something that
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was accepted uh but I still thought all
1:17
of the time about what it might mean to
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transition I got to this point where I
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was going to church like like three or
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four times a week it was
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it was a lot and all of my energy was
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going into maintaining what I was
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supposed to be which was a nice
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Christian lady but I realized that if I
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was going to continue like living
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that I could not do it I couldn’t do it
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as a woman but within my church there
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was this really extreme kind of idea
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that if you were going to that it would
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be better for you to die than to sin in
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a way that would cause you to go to hell
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for sure it was the day before my 22nd
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birthday because I was just like I just
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can’t go into another year
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um like having this unhappiness in these
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questions about what I want my life to
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be thinking about what it meant to be
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trans I thought well what does it mean
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if I feel like my whole body is the
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problem within the framework of that
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religious tradition what it meant was it
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would be better for me to die like now
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rather than live if I know that I have
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to transition in order to want to live I
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looked up a list of household items that
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people use most often to commit suicide
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I ranked them by efficacy I figured out
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what I had and I figured out how I would
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kill myself if I did and then I said
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okay I’m gonna really like sit here and
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pray about it and think about it and so
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I like set my timer I was like I I’m
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gonna really think about whether I want
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to stay alive and I remember actually
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that I decided that I that I couldn’t
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transition because it would disappoint
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my family too deeply and it would
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disappoint God too deeply and that I
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wanted to die and I do not remember what
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happened I don’t remember anything but I
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woke up three or four hours later and I
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was like well
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um it seems that the time has passed and
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I am still here so I guess
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I guess I’m gonna try transitioning I
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called a friend and I said hey I just
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like want to let you know that I think
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I’m non-binary and she said oh
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um so should I refuse or should I use
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they them pronouns to refer to you now
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and I was like yeah that’d be great and
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she said Okay
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um are we still getting lunch on
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Wednesday I’m really looking forward to
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Sushi
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and I’m like
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you mean it was this easy and not that
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she didn’t think it was important but it
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was just not consequential to the nature
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of our friendship and um that was like a
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shocking experience that was sort of the
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signifier that there might be another
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type of relationship available that
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wasn’t going to be contingent
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on like a shared set of values and that
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was going to be contingent on mutual
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respect with my own family there were a
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lot of challenges in getting them to
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accept that I was trans and it reached
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this point where
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um my mom did not use pronouns to refer
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to me for like like six months to a year
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at one point and that was really
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difficult I was strongly encouraged to
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attend um cult Services uh because I was
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staying with people who were part of it
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there was a really unfortunate incident
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where I was barred from using a restroom
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which is against the law and well it
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made it’s probably legal now but at the
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time it was um it was against the law in
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the in the setting where it happened so
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that really stunk and I started to
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realize that I could reject environments
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and relationships where people were
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making my identity a source of friction
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after I initially came out to that one
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friend I started to kind of take more
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chances on sharing not just that I was
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non-binary but other aspects of my life
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were people and one of the people who I
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really wanted to be closer to who I had
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always wanted to have more of a
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friendship with was this person who I
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met in undergrad in my very first class
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I never really felt like it was a close
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friendship and so actually a year after
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I
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um had
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considered killing myself I found out
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that their sister had passed away not
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that I knew their sister but I felt like
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that was what I would have wanted
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somebody to do if I had passed away I
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started trying to just be more of an
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emotional support and that ended up
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deepening the friendship in a lot of
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ways and eventually
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we realized we both liked each other and
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started to date after getting married it
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started to feel the amount of support I
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was receiving from people outside of my
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own relatives
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was just it was like a different thing
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entirely and ultimately it really helped
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me to make the decision that Florida was
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not a safe place to be so we decided
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that we were going to move out of
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Florida and so we moved to New York in
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the summer of 2021. my life is so much
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different than I would have thought it
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would it could be as a kid and really
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it’s very different than I would have
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thought it would be even like three
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years ago the world is huge there are so
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many people who are not going to react
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to me the way that people in the cult
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that I was raised in did
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um there are so many people that are not
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going to react the way that frankly that
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people in the Florida education system
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have
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um
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and
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it’s it’s amazing

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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