At therapy my therapist convinced me that I should call the security for the college. And I give them my observations for the event.
Hopefully solve some major security issues I noticed. So I called them later on in the day when I had decided that my observations had worth. That they were beyond just my paranoia or safety concerns.
I leave a message and receive no call back.
I was left with only fear and no support. Never was I checked on besides the housemate when he came home day one and not again. As I found myself closing my doors and shutting the blinds. To settle in to a long hold out of only going to the grocery store or therapy.
I reach out one more time and it almost is as unsettling as the gunman on campus.
The next week I go to therapy again. I did not speak about the event I spoke about how the crisis center or supposed friends did not even try to call on me . How even the campus did not. How alone I felt and how unimportant I was in life to so many people.
My therapist informs me she knows the President of the college and tells me to call him. I just wanted to throw my hands in the air like Stone cold and say screw it. My therapist did convince me to go back and at least check in with financial aid and see if I was going to be able to make it through.
As I turned into the visitors parking lot again I find a spot and walk into the building directly this time. I walk down the hallway and see the doors that the lady was pounding on to tell us she needed in.
I felt guilt because if he had been a shooter she could have died. And I could have saved her life. Just by getting up and letting her in. I turn into the office and I see the room as it was before the gunman. Couches are re set and the counter is with its tablets lit up waiting for the fingerprints of life it so desires.
Illustration by author. Used with permission.
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