I write to you today with a desire to reflect on some commonly heard statements and attitudes that, while often well-intentioned, can carry a hidden undercurrent of selfishness and ego. It’s important to acknowledge these subtleties, not to judge or criticize, but to cultivate a deeper understanding and compassion for ourselves and others.
Firstly, let’s consider the statement, “There is no right or wrong.” This phrase is frequently echoed in the realms of spirituality and manifestation. On the surface, it promotes a liberating notion that frees us from the binary constraints of morality. However, what often follows is a sentiment that contradicts the initial message: “There is no right or wrong, but my belief is the only true way. Believe me. Don’t believe your way. Your perspectives, views, and experiences are false; there is only my way.”
This attitude is not only self-centered but also egoic. It negates the individuality and the unique journey of each person. When someone asserts that their way is the only way, they implicitly uphold the very duality they claim to transcend. This reveals a hidden belief in right and wrong, where their perspective is ‘right’ and others are ‘wrong.’ The irritation and rants that follow when others disagree are a testament to this internal conflict. They find differing views and beliefs so frustrating because these challenge their sense of being ‘right,’ exposing their lack of integrity with their own professed beliefs.
Eckhart Tolle, a renowned spiritual teacher, wisely said, “To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honor and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be.” This quote underscores the importance of being present and open, rather than fixating on proving oneself right.
Similarly, the Bhagavad Gita offers profound wisdom: “The wise see that there is action in the midst of inaction and inaction in the midst of action. Their consciousness is unified, and every act is done with complete awareness.” This verse invites us to recognize the interconnectedness of all actions and perspectives, encouraging humility and the relinquishing of ego.
Now, let us turn to another pervasive statement: “Don’t be so selfish. You need to stop putting yourself before others. Especially me. All I need you to do is this for me and stop being so selfish.” This sentiment, often heard in various relationships, is one of the most self-centered and selfish statements there is. It essentially demands, “I don’t like that you don’t put me before you. You need to put me before you.”
This statement, cloaked in the guise of concern or advice, reveals a profound self-centeredness. It disregards the other’s needs, experiences, and boundaries, prioritizing one’s own desires and convenience. It presumes to know what is best for the other person, invalidating their autonomy and individuality. When someone tells you to stop being selfish and put them first, they are, in fact, prioritizing their own needs over yours. This is the very definition of selfishness.
Dr. Brené Brown, an expert on vulnerability and empathy, reminds us, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” Setting boundaries is not an act of selfishness but an act of self-love and respect. It allows us to show up more fully for ourselves and, consequently, for others.
The Bible also provides insight on this matter. In Philippians 2:3–4, it is written, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” While this verse encourages us to consider others, it also emphasizes humility and mutual respect, rather than self-centered demands.
It is crucial to remember that we never truly know where someone else is at in their life, nor what they have experienced. Each person’s current perspective is shaped by their unique journey, their struggles, and their triumphs. Even though there is no absolute right or wrong, everything we encounter moves us forward. Every experience is a lesson, even when it is difficult to see from within the midst of challenges. Approaching others with compassion and empathy, rather than from a place of judgment or superiority, allows for genuine connection and understanding.
It’s also important to acknowledge that many people do believe in concepts of dark and light, good and bad, based on their spiritual experiences and what they have witnessed. These beliefs are valid and meaningful to them. Dismissing or invalidating their perspectives as ‘wrong’ only serves to widen the divide and perpetuate misunderstanding.
Both statements we have examined — asserting the sole validity of one’s belief and demanding others to put oneself first — are rooted in self-centeredness and ego. They reflect an underlying belief in right and wrong, despite outward claims to the contrary. True growth and connection come from embracing humility, empathy, and the recognition of our shared humanity. By acknowledging the validity of each person’s journey and approaching each other with compassion, we create a space for mutual respect and understanding.
It is my personal hope that we all strive to move beyond our egoic tendencies and cultivate a deeper, more compassionate approach to ourselves and others. In doing so, we honor the diversity of perspectives and experiences that make up the rich interwovenness of life.
As always loving you from here,
Drop a RISE UP in the comments if you agree.
Or your thoughts on this subject that we all come into contact with frequently.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash
