Sometimes I would wake up and feel like a damn potato at the beauty pageant, even on the eve of a first date. Have you ever felt this way?
Be honest, have you?
Fear not! There are behaviors, attitudes, and personal qualities that I promise can add to how you build attraction and allow you to appear more attractive. It’s 2023 people. Beauty is more than skin-deep these days.
A Small Word on Attitude.
But it won’t work unless you change your attitude. What we receive in our romantic life, what we accomplish or fail to accomplish, is due in considerable measure to our overall attitude. You could be minimizing the things you can accomplish, the goals you can reach, and for some equally strange reason, believe others can be with the person of their dreams and you cannot. So please fix your attitude before you try these tips. If you want someone worthwhile, take the attitude that there are a lot more reasons why you can have it than there are that you cannot and set out to earn it.
Look, life is dull only to dull people. The same is true for the opposite notion. Life is interesting only to interesting people, or life is successful only to successful people, dating is good only to datable people who fix their attitude.
But don’t listen to me; current psychological research actually states that there are plenty of different behaviors, attitudes, and personal qualities that can make someone more attractive.
Science for the win!
So allow me to give you seven real psychologically backed ways that you can instantly make yourself feel more attractive before any first date!
7. Show them your pearly whites
Research shows that smiling is one of the best ways we can instantly look and feel more attractive. Why? Because it expresses happiness and trust, and enjoyment of the other person’s company. Plus, it’s something that ANYONE CAN do.
Smile to yourself right now!
How do you feel?
Feels good right?
This is how people will feel around your smile.
When you smile on any first date or human-to-human interaction, it makes them feel safe around you. And they’re likely to reciprocate with a smile of their own, which eases a lot of awkwardness and tension and unassumingly build steady attraction.
I remember the first date I had with my partner. We had been chatting online for a couple of days and finally decided to meet up in person. We met at a nice romantic open hiking trail in the heart of the city. When I arrived, I spotted her standing by her car, looking a bit anxious. My heart started racing, and for a brief moment, she was gorgeous. But I took a deep breath, mustered my courage, and walked over to her.
As I approached, I put on my warmest smile and said, “Hey!” To my relief, she smiled back, and I could see the tension in her face dissipating. She replied, “Hey”! With that exchange of smiles, the ice was broken, and the awkwardness seemed to melt away.
We spent the next hour talking, laughing, and genuinely enjoying each other’s company. That initial smile set the tone for our entire date, creating a comfortable atmosphere that allowed us to connect on a deeper level.
Looking back, I realize how powerful that first smile was. It made us feel safe and at ease in each other’s presence, paving the way for a strong bond and undeniable attraction.
But don’t be a creeper with that permanent smile on like a creepy backup dancer. You know what I mean. Remember, human beings can smell disingenuous tendencies from a mile off. So allow it to become a part of who you are.
A fascinating study has revealed that women are drawn to men who wear radiant grins on their faces. These dashing gentlemen rank high in attractiveness for women. So, if you’re seeking a long-term romance or even a walk down the aisle, look no further than a man who can light up a room with his pearly whites.
However, don’t be too quick to dismiss those with a more neutral expression. As it turns out, these stoic men have a secret weapon: they are often perceived as more trustworthy. So, whether it’s a captivating smile or a composed countenance, both have their unique appeal. And gents, remember: laughter can be quite the aphrodisiac, as earlier research has shown that a good sense of humor can lead to romantic success. Keep them smiling, and you may just laugh your way into their hearts! In order to work on this, start with these tips:
Observe others: Watch people you admire for their genuine smiles and warm presence. Notice the situations and emotions that elicit their smiles and try to learn from their example.
Practice in front of a mirror: Spend a few minutes every day practicing your smile in front of a mirror. Focus on making it feel natural and genuine, rather than forced. Look people think it’s weird but no one has to know this but you. If you haven’t tried it, don’t knock it.
Smile with your eyes: A genuine smile, also known as a Duchenne smile, involves not just the mouth but also the eyes. When you smile, make sure your eyes crinkle at the corners — this makes your expression more authentic and warm.
Find your own balance: Remember that it’s not necessary to smile constantly, don’t be that guy. Allow yourself to express a range of emotions and respond genuinely to the situation at hand.
6. Work on better posture
Time and time again, various clients are in shock at how effective this truly can be and how many bad habits they’ve picked up over the years. Good body posture can be the difference between you getting a first kiss or a fat rejection.
So sit up straight and improve your posture. Having good posture makes you look taller, more confident, and seem more put together.
5. Wear your best clothes
This one is slightly cliché, but it works. Your clothes can actually tell people a lot about you and can sometimes do the talking before you even open that gaping chasm. I used to study this meticulously as to what the best outfits were. Depending on your body type, it has to be unique to YOU.
For example, I’m fairly tall and muscular, and well-fitted crew neck t-shirts from J.Crew were my go-to. But there is a universal color you can wear for first dates.
Navy, gray, white, and black. They never fail, choose any of those colors. These are all dark or neutral colors. They come across as understated and muted colors which should present your entire look as grounded and sprinkled with some sophisticated panache. This all puts the focus on you and your conversation and not on what you’re wearing.
The impact of clothing on perception is rooted in several concepts, including first impressions, self-expression, and self-confidence. It’s wild at how much this will help you up your dating game. No matter how polite and nice of a society we are, people will always form judgments about others within seconds of meeting them. Clothing is one of the first things we notice about someone, it will always influence the initial impression we form. Well-fitted and appropriate attire can convey qualities like cleanliness, and attention to detail, creating a positive impression.
From an evolutionary perspective, wearing good clothes can signal that you are a suitable mate by showcasing your ability to invest in resources, care for yourself, and maintain a certain level of social status. These cues can make you more attractive to potential romantic partners. Obviously, peoples minds don’t think that, but the subconscious mind does.
You don’t have to be particularly stylish or trendy, but you must learn how to dress in a way that suits you and flatters you.
Demonstrating your personal style lets people know a bit more about your personality. Feeling good about the way you look allows you to feel more attractive too.
You sexy beast!!
4. Make light of the situation.
We’ve all heard it before. People want humor and levity in any dating scenario. I’m not asking you to be Jim Gaffigan and start spouting off one-liners. But you have to have a good sense of humor; people always list it at the top of their list.
Suppose you’re shit at humor.
That’s okay. I’m not remotely funny, either. My humor is about as useful as rubber lips on a woodpecker.
Make fun of yourself.
Self-deprecating humor shows humility and the fact you don’t take yourself too seriously. For example, I’m bald; I’ll often make a joke about how long it takes me to do my hair.
It’s a shit joke, yes. But that’s what makes it good. Cause it’s so bloody terrible!
Never be afraid to crack of few jokes and show off your whit! I believe in you!
If it lands. Great! You’re a legit amateur comedian. If it doesn’t, and the person is nice, they’ll most likely be endeared by your joke.
Win, win.
3. Add something polarizing
If you have a hobby or something, you are passionate about. Share them a piece of your world and invite them in. If you love rock climbing, take them to a climbing gym and show off your expertise. If you play an instrument, go on a walk and bring the guitar.
You’ll be showing people that it’s a lot of fun and that you enjoy doing it, this will instantly make you more attractive to them, and you’ll be far more confident as you’re in your element. Inviting others into your world of interests can create a magnetic allure that’s hard to resist.
As it turns out, science backs up the power of shared interests in sparking attraction. A study by the University of Kansas discovered that the more couples engage in shared activities, the more satisfied and committed they feel in their relationships. So, the next time you find yourself trying to capture someone’s heart, remember to show off your hobbies with enthusiasm and confidence. After all, as the old saying goes, “birds of a feather flock together,” and there’s nothing more attractive than being in your element and spreading joy like a contagious case of the giggles.
Or maybe just being willing to try something new and exciting can be enough to make people more attracted to us because it shows a positive, confident, fun, loving attitude. That’s something I know you have!
2. Attract her brain!
I always say to people, allow them to fall slowly in love with your brain. Attract someone with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. This will require some bravery and opening up. But vulnerability always wins.
This is not a quick hit. However, this requires you actually doing things behind the scenes, such as reading or listening to audiobooks on science and philosophy, catching up on wisdom, and contemporary news, improving your skills or learning something new
Learning new things will make you a master conversationalist too. I’m not asking you to be Albert Einstein, but I am asking you to expand your horizons!
In all my life, I have never heard anyone say:
“I just like dating someone who isn’t that intelligent”.
Win hearts with your smarts, and you’ll never be apart. I promise you this.
1. Love who you are
Yes, at this point, it’s a cliche to tout the paradigm of self-love. But it’s true. You must embrace the good, the bad, and the ugly. Self-awareness is half the battle, my friends.
Nothing is more attractive than someone who is firmly secure in their identity and sense of self-worth, self-love, and self-acceptance.
Look, I’m:
- Dorky
- Corny
- Laugh loudly
- Shit dance moves
- I’m not remotely funny
But I couldn’t care less, to be honest, I’m not sure if I ever have. In fact, I embrace all that cause I love myself, and I don’t need to change that. My GF loves those things about me.
Never look towards other people for external validation. Know who you are and what you’re worth, and never waste any time trying to impress a stranger by being someone you’re not. Don’t chase after someone who doesn’t want you or change who you are just to make them like you more. Self-love and confidence are extremely attractive.
What are some other ways you make yourself feel more attractive? I’d love to read them in the comments below!
I would wish you luck, but I know you don’t need it.
Thanks for reading!
T.H.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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