It was September 2019, a beautiful evening, and I was getting ready to leave my boyfriend for a few months. We had a blast that summer. He showed me what a real amusement park looks like. He did a great job teaching me to say the word “taco” properly, and I am proud I finally learned the baseball and hockey rules.
Leaving your significant other is always devastating. I can’t even express my emotions in the last moments of seeing him. Anxiety and fear are filling your body, and your heart is overflowing with love and devotion. A long-distance relationship is hard, but you can get used to it with some practice.
We were driving to the airport, and I remember listening to some cool 80’s songs. For an unknown reason, I told myself to memorize this moment as much as possible. Perhaps, deep inside, I knew it might not repeat.
We were both tired. It felt like it was only us on the highway. The sun was setting down and had a gorgeous orange-like color that was diffusing all over the sky. It was still nice and warm outside, and I counted down minutes until he dropped me off at the airport.
It happened so quickly. In a blink of an eye, we parked the car, kissed, and said our goodbyes. It was time for me to go. The last thing he said was, “see you soon.”
Who knew there would be no soon…
When the pandemic hit back in March 2020, it was nerve-racking. I listened to the news 24/7 and cursed anyone who said we would be locked at least for 2 years. People were making fun of the entire situation or were extremely cautious. I have never seen such variance in opinions in my life. I was horrified.
Many people experienced a 360 degrees twist in their life, and so did I. I’ve changed from a girl who had everything planned to a girl who is all of a sudden rock climbing and doesn’t know which hold to grab.
Right before the first lockdown in my country, my boyfriend should have visited me. Unfortunately, they had closed borders a few days before his arrival. This time period was so scary and uncertain. We both fell into depression and anxiety and didn’t know how to adjust our lives to the current situation.
Summer 2020 was the first one after three years I spent without him on a different continent. I was alone and lost. The dream to live overseas, have a house, and kids disappeared in front of my eyes.
I tried to fight my emotions and be hopeful because I desperately wanted to be with the one I loved. I searched for flight tickets, travel restrictions, and love-related travel exceptions. I was optimistic and believed that everything was only temporary. Turning off the news, studying, working out, or relaxing helped me get to a better place.
As it turned out, we weren’t on the same path. He couldn’t get any better. The isolation defeated him. Our future was slowly coming to an end, and in 2021, my hopes were completely dashed. During the times of the hardest pain and struggle, he wasn’t there for me.
Deep inside, I felt that this connection between us wasn’t going to last, no matter how much I tried. Still, it crushed me to quit fighting. Love is just a small part of a relationship, and it doesn’t give the relationship the green light by itself.
We have never hurt each other, we love each other, yet we have to forget each other.
Having family around really helped me to get back on my feet. I genuinely started to appreciate my family way more than I had ever done before. Not everybody has the privilege of close family, and I definitely took it for granted in the past.
During the past year, I lost the love of my life and all my dreams that came with it. I finished college and moved back to my hometown. I unsuccessfully went through the process of finding a job. I have no clue what I am doing. Yet, I still think there is not much to complain about. The pandemic maybe turned my life upside down; however, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I think that most people don’t know what they are doing most of the time. I wasn’t used to this lifestyle, living from one day at a time. I had everything always planned. School, trips, boyfriend, work. The pandemic showed me it is not possible to live this way. If you don’t give yourself at least a little bit of freedom, you will never see the world clearly.
I am still very emotional. The pandemic manipulates our lives as no one else can. On the bright side, it can really show us who we are as human beings. I am a happy person, and I can’t wait to create new memories.
This post was previously published on medium.com.
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