We All Need To Stop Obsessing Over the #Relationshipgoal Hashtag

You won’t have a happy relationship if you follow those Instagram couples who put #relationshipgoals on each of their post as your main guide in dating.

None of those is real. I can guarantee you that.

Many of them are staged and though you could find some who have a true relationship in real life, what they put on their social media is very less than what their actual relationship looks like.

I mean, it’s expected ’cause who wants to be seen as imperfect in the place (such as Instagram) where you have to be perfect all the time?

I wish I knew all this when I just started dating in my early twenties. I was so blind and didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like that I thought those couples on social media were the “happiest” ones.

You know, that picture where the girl wears a bikini and they pose romantically somewhere in the Maldives. The caption usually goes with something like, “I’m in love with you every day” or any other cliche words.

If you’re on social media looking at this type of couple long enough, you’d realize that the idea to travel together to nice places around the world seems to be “the only proof” of a successful relationship.

It’s expected to be the “goal” when you’re dating someone. I’ve even known some girls who are so obsessed with looking for an Instagram boyfriend — not the real boyfriend. Obviously, to take all those #relationshipgoals photos.

Only when I deactivated my Instagram account, then I realize trying to follow those influencers with their relationship “standards” is a toxic way to live my life.

If you’ve been dealing with some problems in your relationship and trying to compare with those couples on social media you saw, this is a reminder that it’s not real.

’Cause they’re just like you — trying to get their relationship life together

You’ll not see their crazy fights because there’s no way they want to show it to the world.

The truth is, no relationship is perfect, even for those who seem like it.

Just because you saw them on their Instagram Story being romantic to each other all the time, that doesn’t mean they never encounter an issue.

So don’t believe anyone who told you otherwise. I’ve even heard stories from my close friends who were being approached by a taken man. The irony is this type of man would show off his relationship on all over his Instagram page.

But they’re trying to constantly hook up with random people behind their partner’s back. Obviously, this isn’t only for men, but women also do this.

This concludes that you shouldn’t believe whatever you see on your Instagram page. Not only it’s not good for your mental health, but there’s also a chance you might ruin your own relationship because you constantly compare it with them.

What you see is only the highlight of their relationships.

Somehow you knew deep down that those #relationshipgoals you constantly consume aren’t real. But why do you still think they are a good thing to follow?

It creates an illusion in your own head that love should look like that. Just because you see their “happy” photos on Instagram, that doesn’t guarantee that they have a successful relationship.

By consuming too much of that type of content, at some point, I began to think that couples should spend and do everything together. If the guy is asking for a space, then I should take it as a red flag.

While the truth is, they got it all wrong about the true definition of a healthy & successful relationship.

A therapist, Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., LMFT, mentioned in his article:

“The most successful relationships are the ones where there is interdependence. If two people are so independent that they live separate lives, and they don’t come together as a unit, then the relationship suffers. Many people may never conceive of this dynamic, let alone put it into practice, but those who do practice it have the best relationships.”

Create your own #relationshipgoals

With that being said, it isn’t practical for you to follow those #relationshipgoals hashtags or even think they’re real.

Instead, start to create your own #relationshipgoals by focusing only on your relationship. Here are several things you can do:

• The first step is to take a social media break. I’ve done this from time to time, and it makes me easier to feel grateful for whatever I have in my relationship.
• Read books related to relationships. I know this sounds boring compared to watching people’s stories on Instagram but trust me, those relationship books can change your perspective about love and gain clarity on what a healthy relationship is actually supposed to look like.
• It’s easy to expect more from your partner when you consume those toxic couples on social media, so rather than focusing on what your partner doesn’t have, isn’t it easier to acknowledge what they actually already gave you? List down all those things and let them know that you appreciate them.

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Previously Published on medium

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